Come To Me
by Selenite
Summary: He looked into her eyes. They were as strikingly, unnaturally blue as the orbs of any other of his servants. Yet, one difference could be noticed... -An Avengers AU where Loki takes Jane with him instead of Eric. Mind-controlled!Jane/Loki, Jane/Loki later on.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, Marvel does.  
_

_Cover image by the wonderful **VanneHenley** (aka **tomhiddleston-h** of tumblr).  
_

* * *

_Also - this is NOT meant to be a non-con fic, despite the mind-control. However, I can see that the line is very thin, and I'll understand if you choose not to continue reading this story after the first chapter. But if you DO continue, dear reader, welcome and let me take you to a mysterious and emotional journey... _

* * *

ooOOOoo

The edges of his cloak stirred the air silently as he glided through the dark corridor. He blinked once as he stepped into the light of the improvised lab, but he never stopped or slowed his graceful pace. He could see everyone was at work. They were working for him, hard and tough, never weary, never tired, his ever so loyal, blue-eyed servants, his little diligent bees.

Today, Loki was particularly interested in one of the tiniest bees of his devoted hive. His eyes narrowed a fraction as he spotted her though the glass panes. Passing swiftly the two remaining doorways, he headed straight toward his precious little physicist, Jane Foster.

His strides were measured and firm, yet elegant and soft. And she was too consumed by her task, working tirelessly to create a functional link between the newly obtained power source and the Tesseract. She was too focused not to make a mistake, too determined not to fail him that the world around her went unnoticed and she wasn't aware of his presence behind her back at all. And so Jane whirled about with a start when he spoke to her.

"How long, Ms. Foster?" he asked, his tone colorless, his eyes two sharp daggers of green.

"No longer than a day, sir, if I stay awake through the night." She breathed into the thin air between them.

He looked into her eyes. They were as strikingly, unnaturally blue as the orbs of any other of his servants. Yet, one difference could be noticed. The tiny, sinuous red veins cutting the white of her eyes. The surface of her orbs was burning dry, and dark shadows hung beneath them.

"Let me, sir. I can do it. I – "

"I know." He said, silencing her, and watched her for a while longer. Then he brought up his hand and brushed the back of his delicate knuckles against her cheekbone. Her eyelids fluttered as she sucked in a quick breath.

"Don't be afraid, Jane." He whispered softly.

"I – " her dry lips moved.

"You..?"

"I do not fear you, sir." She stated quietly looking him firmly in the eye.

"I am aware, Jane. I did not take you with me to fear me, did I?" He asked slowly, his gaze sliding down to her mouth, his fingertips trailing up to her temple and digging carefully into her hair.

"No." unblinking, she confirmed.

"No." He echoed, shaking his head minutely. Then he put the other hand to the side of her face and cupped her cheeks. "I brought you here to give you what you always wanted. To open the gate to the distant worlds, to look into the heart of the space-time itself, to grasp the very essence of it."

"Yes…" staring in awe, she mouthed blankly.

"Yes." Twirling his lips into a faint smile, he nodded. "And you work hard to achieve it. Yes you do, Jane. Not one miserable soul around here works half as hard as you do. And I know. I notice. And therefore, my loyal Jane, you shall rest tonight."

"But – "

"Shh." He brought a forefinger against her lips. "The world has already bent the knee before us. They just don't know it yet. We'll show them soon, but a few hours make no difference, do they?"

She shook her head slowly, lips brushing against his fingertip.

"Now, my sweet Jane. Do what you must to finish the current work, but then, I want you to rest. Eat the dinner that is waiting for you in the common room. Take the hot bath that has been prepared in the bathroom. Dry and brush your hair. Wear the fresh night gown you'll find on your bed… And come to me."

"To you, sir?" She gasped, astonished.

He lowered his head. "Tonight, you will rest beside me." He whispered against her skin.

"I am honored, sir." She let out an elated breath, smiling to him as he moved back to look into her eyes once more.

"_I_ am, Jane." He said, smiling back, the green of his eyes reflecting the sparkling, radiant blue.

* * *

_So, what do you think, my friends? Let me know!  
_


	2. Chapter 2

_You build me up_  
_ You break me down_  
_ Until I'm falling to pieces_

_ The price I pay_  
_ To live this way_  
_ And the fantasy stays alive_

_ I can't live up I can't let down_  
_ And leave you falling to pieces_

_ I crash and burn_  
_ I never learn_  
_ I'm your morbid obsession_

_(Dream Theater - Build Me Up, Break Me Down)_

* * *

The surface of the water in the almost fully filled bathtub was perfectly flat and calm. If you had looked at it, you would have seen a mirror reflecting the once white, now somewhat flaked ceiling.

It was quiet.

Then, a tiny bubble of air came from below. It lingered on the surface for a fleeting moment before disappearing silently. The water mirror stirred then and a pale, angular face and long, raven hair came out. The man let the water trickle down from his eyes before he opened them. They were green, deep and helpless.

Loki sighed as he sat up and looked down at his rippled reflection. If you had stood beside him and looked, too, you would have seen just two faces. His and yours. But he saw more than that. His haunting memory would not let go of his imagination. He saw them; their ugly, distorted faces, their piercing, vile eyes. Despite the warm water, he still felt those hard, cold hands, so cold on his skin, even if he was not supposed to mind the cold. He was a trueborn Frost Giant, after all, yes? Oh yes, he was.

But that did not truly matter anymore. He stood up, took the big jug filled with fresh water, closed his eyes and poured it over his face, hair and skin. Then he stood the jar back on the wooden stool and stepped out of his bath. The soft towel under his feet began to absorb the water that was running down his feet; he reached out and took another one that was lying folded on the other stool. When he was done drying his skin and hair, he took the silk bathrobe and wrapped himself in it, his skin easing into the softness of the fabric. He smiled to himself and walked out the small bathroom to his bedroom. His bare feet made soft, nearly inaudible sounds against the cold floor until he stepped onto a fur beside the wide bed.

He sat down and ran his long fingers through his hair, combing it back. He hated how the long tresses tended to curl when they started to dry.

Life used to be so much easier with shorter hair, he thought. It used to be back then. So much better than this.

Loki poured himself a glass of pure water and drank it. And then, he made a silent wish. To whom, he did not know. The mighty Odin would not hear of any of his wishes anymore. But he wished nonetheless. Perhaps one of the deities worshipped in this world would hear him. And so he wished for a peaceful night, for a deep, calm, dreamless sleep. _Please, hear my call…_

The glass landed back on the nightstand with a muted thud. Loki rubbed his face. And laughed lightly. Even if he _did_ sleep dreamlessly, what would come then? How can anyone sleep well if there's nothing worthy to wake up for?

And he truly had nothing, he knew. His hands were empty as the day he had fallen off the Bridge. His magic was still weak and his body, too. His mind was rabid, searching, reckless, racing… This was it. It was madness.

He heard Thor's words echo in his mind. _Loki, this is madness._

_Yes, Thor. It is._ He sighed.

But perhaps there was something. Something a little bit brighter among all the fading colors around him. But it was too vain and pathetic to admit. Yes, maybe even too tragi-comical for him to accept it. He denied it, but still could not stop her face from reappearing in his mind.

But did he not like looking over his shoulder whenever he passed by her working space?

_Just to check on her progress_, he explained to himself. Yes, that was it.

And why did he occasionally stop by? Because he liked the tone of her voice?

_No_, he snorted at himself, _but because you mean to learn about the Tesseract, you want to learn more… while watching her gestures, listening to her enthusiastic speech… _

His head shot up as three light knocks sounded on the wood of the opposite door. Opening his mouth, he breathed out sharply.

He had forgotten.

Their conversation… He had told her to come…

"Jane?" he asked.

"Sir..?" Her tiny voice answered.

Remaining silent after that, he listened. _How could I?_ No, there was no longer time or occasion for such thoughts. He had a reputation to live up to.

He stood up and tightened the robe around himself. "Come." He ordered, holding his head up high.

The door creaked, and Jane entered. He looked at her in that instant.

Her hair was loose and wavy and dry. Her face was clean and pure, her eyes hidden behind a curtain of chaste eyelids. The creamy shade of her skin was accentuated by the shining white of her silky nightgown. She looked like wearing a simple white dress – it hang on her shoulders by two string straps, ran down along her subtle, beautiful curves and nearly touched the ground.

"Jane." He heard his voice say. "Come – come to me."

And she did, not looking up. Her slender, small hands were joined at her belly. She stopped right before the fur he was standing on. Another thing he noticed there – she was wearing her usual white slippers – the same she wore at work. Perhaps… Perhaps he should give her more clothing and shoes to change into…

She shivered. Lightly, almost unnoticeably. Oh, but he saw.

"Are you cold?"

"Just… just a little, sir." She said quietly, her stare still fixated on the tips of her toes.

"Then come, step onto the fur. It's warm, you'll see." He encouraged. Sincerely. And she obeyed.

Setting her right foot free from the slipper, she took the first, slow and hesitant step onto the soft fabric. Still avoiding his eyes, she did the same with the other foot and clutched her entwined fingers.

Silence settled then. Her chest rose quickly, taking a swift, haste lungful of air, and then fell. Her white knuckles turned pale pink again as her fingers disentangled; her hands went slowly up.

He had no idea what she was doing, yet, he did not even try to stop her. Eventually her thumbs ran underneath the nightgown straps, twisted around them, and took them off.

And the upper half of the silky, white gown fell down to her hips.

Loki felt a faint, soft breath leave his mouth. His lips moved… his eyes searched, roving around the entire room, the dark, long lashes fluttering helplessly.

"What… Why did you do this?"

Her eyes flicked up then. They were so blue and shining. And discouraged and confused. And desperate. "You..." she began barely audibly, "You don't like me, do you? I am not – "

His eyes went wide as he placed his confused stare upon her. She lowered her eyes and bowed her head in disgrace, and covered her naked skin with her hands.

"No!" he uttered quietly, his voice full of urgency as he placed his hands on the sides of her face and made her look him in the eye.

"No, Jane." She was so close he could almost feel the burning of the unnatural blue of her orbs. "I chose you not only because of your intellect and knowledge. I chose you because of your determination, your wisdom and strength. Because of your resolve to pursue your dreams whatever the obstacles. Many laughed at you, but you let them – you knew they would cry in the end. Don't you understand? This world is blind, Jane. Otherwise I fail to comprehend how they could overlook you so stubbornly for so long. Yes, _they_ are blind – _they_ do not see you. But I do. I listen, Jane. I watch. And I see." Holding her firmly, searching her eyes, he ended just above a whisper.

"I. See. You. " he repeated, the resolve resonating in his undertone, and leaned closer. "I see you, Jane." He breathed, their faces nearly touching now. His eyes were restless as he was studying her lips, her creamy skin, her eyebrows and cheekbones, and caressed her face gently.

And he truly saw. For the first time, he realized the terrifying resemblance in their fates. They both could have been so much more… Yet instead, they had both been lied to, and they'd heard too many promises in vain. But they only wanted to make happy, they both only wished to be worthy. To _feel_ worthy. And now, they had ended up alone.

Her lips and jaw tightened; a tear gleamed in the corner of her eye. Some kind of disbelieve was reflected there. Her arms moved up, revealing her nakedness again. But this time she seemed not to care. She reached out and her trembling fingertips touched his face, lightly, cautiously.

Loki caught himself holding his breath. His eyes wandered back to her parted lips – the blue of her eyes was getting too loud, to accusing, too unbearable. But it was then when her fingers entangled with his hair, entwining and clutching the dark tresses in their wake. And before he could think of it, she captured his lips with hers.

Her eyes were closed firmly, but his were open. Loki felt taken aback. He had not… expected it. He had not really planned it, either. But honestly, what had he truly expected when he asked her to come? Perhaps he had been just playing with her? Out of a mere boredom?

But as for now, the most disturbing questions were those concerning _her_ point of view. Why would she kiss him like that? So desperately, fiercely, but above all _willingly_. Why?

There was so much understanding hidden in that kiss. She must have sensed it, too. She must have learned the truth – she must have realized what they had in common. And perhaps she had been aware of it all from the very beginning.

He remembered that moment – when the scepter had touched her heart. He had unveiled his thoughts and memories to her. To her more than to anyone else. His goal had been to give her as much information and insight as possible: the images and words from another world, things no other human had ever heard of, things Loki himself had never heard of before… And perhaps he had revealed too much. He had shown her _too much_ of himself. And she knew him now much more than he was able to admit.

Yet, what did she do?

She came to him. She touched him and kissed him the way no other being ever had. But the question was – would she do that if her eyes were still brown?

He wondered. He pondered the thought, frowning…

Well, of course she would not.

But now her orbs were _blue_. Which meant that they were _his_. And she understood – she was there, right before him, in his arms.

And so he decided to let the walls down. No more thoughts, no more fearful memories. Just fistfuls of her soft, thick hair and warmth of her skin.

Closing his eyes, he gave in to the kiss and returned all the fervor with a surprising tenderness. Cupping her cheeks gently, he relished her lips, covering them in eager kisses, rewarding each one he had received with a lot more. And she responded and held him closer, wrapping her arms tightly around him, just to be as close as possible.

The fingers of his right hand remained entangled with her hair, but the left sneaked down. He let his knuckles brush gently over her exposed skin until he reached the hipbone. Their mouths parted then and she looked him in the eye.

Loki realized their breathing had become quickened and shallow - his heart raced at the promise of all the things to come. He did not know if that night was going to be dreamless or calm, but one thing was for sure: It would be different.

And all the dark, creeping shadows would have to stay away, twisting in their dusty corners.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	3. Chapter 3

His eyes flicked wide open.

His heart was beating with a rhythm of a startled, creeping little panic. The kind of panic you feel when you realize you have forgotten about something important. Something truly important. But before he could figure out the cause in his mind, he simply just saw.

Two chocolate-colored, doe-like eyes were watching him. They were wide as well, but it was not the startled kind of wide. No, of course it wasn't. This was called curiosity, if Loki remembered rightly.

The panic was not little anymore. It had grown in the meantime, and seized and squeezed his insides. Yet… however strong the panic, Loki could not afford to let it show.

And so, and just that easily, he relaxed against the pillows, and completely motionless, he kept watching her. And as he did, a familiar image came to his mind. Oh yes, the doe-like eyes had some sort of importance in it.

It was a memory.

He had been much younger then. Wandering through the dark, shadowy woods alongside Thor…

_They got separated. At first Loki thought it would be just for a few moments and then his big brother would find him for sure… But it was a wrong assumption. Those hopeful few moments turned into a month spend all alone in the wilderness. It felt like there was not a single living soul in those forests. Creepy sounds and squeaking of the tree branches haunted him at nights as the dark, unknown shadows danced around him. However, defiantly, he went stumbling along through the days, until he reached the deepest heart of the wood and got completely lost. _

_He was starving. He hadn't eaten for so long he could barely move. But there was nothing, nothing he could feed on. No fruit, no animals… Nothing. Everything was just dead. _

_Until one morning, when he woke up with a start. He was sitting with his back against a massive old tree; and the wet mists flowed lazily around. And partly hidden in the shadow of a tree opposite him, there stood a doe._

_Beautiful, Loki thought. And only after that he realized his churning, shrinking stomach._

_He knew he had to be careful, very careful, and then swift and quick as an arrow sent flying. Never tearing his eyes off the graceful animal, he started to move. But before his movement could have started to be visible, the doe disappeared into the darkness of the forest again, leaving just the waving branches behind her…_

…And now he just had evaluated his situation as a very similar one. One move, one sound and she would run as fast and far as possible. It did not even matter where. Just far away from him.

Still… "Good morning." He said carefully, softly.

"Morning." She said with a bright smile, and the sunlight coming through the window glittered in the amber of her irises. Then she reached out her hand, slowly, and touched his face.

Her eyes narrowed with a slight doubt. "Now then, isn't it a curl?" She asked, furrowing one eyebrow, and took one of his hair strands between her fingers.

Loki blinked at that, a shadow of an appreciative smile touching his lips. "I fear you have just discovered my darkest secret."

A wide grin and a cheerful giggle came in response. It was so lovely it almost made him forget. But no, the weight of that lingering tension was too much. He just could not bear it anymore.

"Jane," he spoke quietly, stroking her forearm gently. "Your mind is free again. Don't you realize it?"

"I do." She confirmed quite surprisingly, her thumb brushing over his cheek.

"Then what are you still doing here? You could have run. You could have left. You know how and you know where. Why haven't you?"

"I cannot run." She said and something in her eyes changed. The warmth was still there, but the joy no longer. "Because I am here to tell you something important."

"What?" he gasped, seemingly not having expected such answer at all.

She held the side of his face firmly then, her eyes boring into his with an unseen urgency. "There is another way." She breathed out quietly but clearly, as if afraid of being overheard by someone else, and searched his eyes wildly.

"Another way..?" he asked, confused. "Which way – what – what does it mean?"

"You must ask me. You have to." She pleaded, her eyes watering.

"Ask you? But I _am_ asking – "

"Not now!" She cut in, insistent. "Later. You must – "

An ash-grey, ugly hand sneaked from behind and held her mouth shut. Her eyes went wide with horror, but they were still looking at _him_, still pleading with _him_.

"Jane!" Loki shrieked, but could not move – could not do anything to help her.

She was clutching at the grey forearm, her other hand extended in his direction, as a tear escaped the corner of her eye.

The grey hand gave a quick, merciless yank and twisted her head to the side with a loud crack.

The wooden door opened…

Loki opened his eyes, shot up to a sitting position and gasped for breath. He realized he was wet all over. It was sweat. He was sweating. And breathing too loudly; too quickly. Something moved.

His wild stare snapped to the side, after the movement. And he saw her. She was still wearing the long white nightgown. Her hair was wavy and tousled, her eyes a perfect, shining shade of blue.

She looked startled. And confused. "I just… I needed to use the bathroom… for a moment." She uttered in explanation.

"It was a dream." He panted, staring at her.

She was watching him for a moment longer, examining the place and his face. Then she moved and walked to the bed. She climbed on it and knelt before him. Her hands wrapped around him and held him close. "Yes it was." She whispered against the top of his head. "Just a dream."

His heartbeat was still pounding in his ears when she approached him. But then she touched him; held him dearly – as if he were the most precious thing. She whispered soothing, reassuring words to him. And he found himself lost. He felt completely astounded. No he could not comprehend this. Why would she act like that? She shouldn't…

But the warmth was just too overwhelming. With a deep, painful sigh, he finally eased against her. His arms twisted around her waist and pulled her closer. Jane obeyed the command and straddled him.

His hands sneaked up her back, over the shoulder blades, and then wrapped around her subtle, exposed shoulders. He leaned his forehead against her chest bone, closed his eyes and breathed out. "I promise, Jane." He said, "Whatever shall come, I will protect you. I will keep you safe at all costs. You will stay with me, Jane."

She nodded silently, stroking his hair.

"And I'll stay with you." He whispered and looked up to her. The memories of the night flooded his mind, and judging by the look in her eyes, she must have remembered, too. Her vision began to cloud as she ran tender fingertips down his cheeks.

Loki opened his mouth, perhaps to say something more, but he did not get the chance as she sealed his lips with hers.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	4. Chapter 4

_Today I will be your savior  
Tomorrow a demon  
You crave my erratic behavior  
And watch my every move_

_(Dream Theater - Build Me Up, Break Me Down) _

* * *

"Oh..!" Jane exclaimed, startled, as she nearly bumped into a passing-by technician. "No, no, no – _I'm _ sorry, _I_ should have looked." She added promptly to stop the outburst of apologies from the young man's mouth. "I should have looked, really. It's okay." She smiled once again and resumed her walk back to her lab.

She had just collected the desired data. _That_ data. The crucial information she had been waiting for for so long. And everyone had been waiting for _her_ to obtain it. And here it was. She should feel zealous and enthusiastic about that, but the feeling just would not come. Clearly, something was wrong.

Now as she was finally holding the analysis outcome in her hands, she just could not concentrate on it, even if she desperately needed to. Because what she had at the moment were just pages of figures, and to make them useful, she had to evaluate and interpret them all.

Normally it would take her about no more than two hours but today she had already spent half of that time trying to decipher the first page.

She tried to pretend not to know what the cause might have been, but in the dark corner of her mind, she was perfectly aware.

Once in the lab, Jane tossed the file next to her laptop, closed her eyes, and leaned against the desk.

_All right. Let's calm down – breathe in, breathe out. Great. Once again._

If only there was a switch in her head that would enable her to cut out all those disturbing thoughts and emotions. She had a work to finish! And she wanted to. She was sure she had wanted to… Then what happened to her determination?

She bit her lip, letting out just a quiet, joyful sigh. Yes, it was hard to stop thinking about what had happened last night… and then in the morning again… But there was no use. She did not want to disappoint him. She craved that proud twinkle in his eyes. She must, and she knew she could do that again – she was able to surprise him once again.

Yes, she would finish the project this afternoon. Everything else was ready; just this last evaluation and the plan could be set in motion. Yes, she could do that. She would!

And with a new resolve, Jane opened her eyes and straightened.

And gasped with surprise.

A rose.

A single white rose had been placed on her desk. She must have overlooked it at first…

She took the flower, carefully, gently, and smelled it. The scent was soft, barely detectable, but it reminded her of honey and white wine.

_It's from him. It must be,_ Jane smiled to herself and quickly fetched a glass of water. She put the rose into the pure liquid, stood the glass on her desk and watched it. Then, for a last time before she would immense her mind into the evaluation, she reached out and touched the delicate white petals. Last smile, last vivid memory. Time to move on and work –

"What are you doing?" a sharp voice asked from the doorway.

Jane turned her head quickly and saw the familiar, thoughtful and always focused blue orbs watching her sternly.

"Clint?" She said innocently.

"I asked something." He demanded, his voice and stare equally cold.

"I… I was just evaluating the results when you – "

"Oh were you?" He mimicked her tone in a rather cruel way. His expression hardened as he took a few steps toward her. "Well, then let me tell you that I saw something different." Hissing mercilessly, he kept approaching her.

She was staring into his hypnotizing blue orbs and took a defensive step back. Her lips moved silently.

"No worries, Jane." He said then, his undertone harboring the fake kind of forgiveness. "I would never hurt you, right? How could I?" He asked, mocking her openly, as he stopped inches away from her, folded his arms before him and tilted his head to one side.

"Just remember this, love. My team's ready. Everyone, and I mean _everyone_ is now just waiting for you, wandering around aimlessly." The archer explained, his voice switching into a hiss with the last word. He leaned forward then, and was almost touching her cheek with the tip of his nose. "Did you know what I absolutely hate, Jane? I hate _aimless_ actions. And I hate wasting my time."

"Are we quite finished, Mr. Barton?" a quiet voice asked calmly from behind. Clint wheeled around. But before he could answer, strong fingers wrapped around his throat and squeezed. Jane gasped with shock and reeled backwards, covering her mouth, until she bumped into the wall behind her.

Loki's face was twisted with anger as he tightened the grip and gave a sharp, violent yank to pull Clint closer. He bared his teeth as their faces met; then he just lifted the blue-eyed archer in the air, still holding him by the throat using just one hand, and rammed him against the nearest surface, which happened to be a grey, metal closet. The thing wobbled and resonated with the roaring sound of the crash.

"Go on, Mr. Barton. Why so silent now?" Loki demanded, keeping his grip around Clint's throat tight. "I was under the impression that you had something of a great importance on your mind? Please, share your suggestions with me."

Clint was flinching and thrashing about, wincing as he struggled to remove the merciless hand and get some air into his lungs. But all of it was futile. Finally, he moved his lips.

"Oh, good!" Loki cried out with a feigned relief. "So you _will_ talk to me in the end?" he asked and let go of the archer's neck. Clint slid down the metal door, but steadied himself quickly. Leaning against the surface, he straightened, and never tearing his radiant blue orbs off the green ones, he spoke hoarsely. "She… she keeps procrastinating… her work… We could have… have set the plan in motion today…"

"Oh is that so?!" Loki snorted, his voice sharp and venomous. "Well… And isn't that up to _me_ to decide, Mr. Barton? Or you claim to know my intentions better than I do?"

"N…" Clint breathed and coughed, "No, sir."

"Precisely, soldier. You don't." Loki agreed, his voice somewhat lower but still with a touch of danger and madness. "Keep that in mind for the future." he whispered finally, searching the blue eyes before him.

A long moment of tense silence followed, until Loki broke it. "Out of my sight." He hissed.

Clint eyed him for a second, expressionless, and kneaded his throat. "May I say just one more thing?" he asked, looking the trickster right in the eye.

"What is it, my brave?" Loki arched one scornful eyebrow, leaning his forearm against the closet just above Clint's head. The latter blinked a few times, but did not recoil.

"With all my respect, sir…" Clint resumed quietly, but steadily, "she distracts you."

Another few seconds of silence, heavy and immense, this time.

Then Loki laughed. A sharp, disdainful sound. "So this is it?" He asked, smiling widely, cruelly. "My dear friend…" he continued, his eyes narrowing slightly at the last word, "don't be jealous. There's no need to be. I chose each and every one of you carefully, for a very special purpose. Each one of you is precious to me, Mr. Barton. I love you all. I might not have displayed it properly, yes," he breathed, his voice nearly apologetic, and ran a knuckle over Clint's face, "but I do. Love you. All."

The archer blinked again, exhaling cautiously.

"You may go." Loki said then, but before Clint could walk away, he caught his arm swiftly. "But first of all, apologize."

Clint stopped abruptly and stiffened. After some hesitation, he turned to Jane, straightened and then bowed his head. "I'm sorry Jane. It won't happen again." He stated and not waiting for the answer, he spun around and left the room.

Jane was still breathing heavily, cringing in the corner. Loki watched Clint leave, his green eyes following the disobedient archer to the corridor. But then he let out a sharp breath as if something was hurting him, and ran to Jane.

"He – he was right!" She burst out suddenly. "I'm so sorry, I somehow just cannot focus on all the data today, I'm – I mean, Clint just wanted to –"

"Shhhh, Jane." He pressed a forefinger against her lips to make her stop. "It's all right now. It's all right." He reassured her in an unusually soft way. "Clint's heart is sometimes too fierce even for him to handle. He has a strong determination, but he is stubborn. He's a rebel, and as such he needs a special kind of treatment. It might have looked cruel, but believe me, I did not intend to hurt him. Especially not in front of your eyes. Do you understand?" He asked, holding her face tightly, lifting it up to him.

Not breaking the eye contact, she nodded slowly.

He kept staring at her, watching and observing each tiny detail of her face.

"At first I thought you had so much in common, you and Clint." Loki said quietly. "Both your hearts are wild, full of resolve and ambition… Yet, unlike his, your heart is also full of kindness…" He paused and stared into the blue depths of her wide eyes, as if trying to glimpse the essence of her very soul. "I did not mean to frighten you." He whispered to her, cradling her face in his hands.

"I – I know, sir." She said, her voice barely audible.

"Jane," he breathed, smiling lightly. "Please, call me by my name. As you did in the night."

"Yes." She showed a faint smile, too.

"Say it." Leaning down, he pleaded against the skin of her neck.

Jane bit on her lip shortly before whispering his name into his ear.

Was that a breath of relief he let out? It sounded so, that was for certain.

His mouth moved up then, lips brushing against her jaw and cheek, and stopped at her forehead. "It sounds so unusual on your lips." he mouthed. "As if I were not what I am."

"And what are you?" Touching his hands that were holding her face, Jane asked carefully.

But he just smiled in reply and pressed a gentle kiss between her eyebrows. "Would you like to have lunch with me today?" he asked. "I usually enjoy the company of our talented archer, but I fear I might have just destroyed his good humor for today."

"It appeared so." Jane chuckled lightly.

"Yes, indeed. Sadly. He's quite an amazing story-teller." Loki sighed almost regretfully. Then he withdrew a little to look into her eyes. "So? Will you accompany me today, Jane?"

"Yes, of course. " She beamed and lowering her eyes as well as voice, she added one more word.

"…Loki."

* * *

_To be continued..._

* * *

_Also - what do you think about the story so far? Please keep reviewing, you've been all amazing!  
_


	5. Chapter 5

_I'll come into your world,  
See through your eyes_

_I'll try to understand,  
Before we lose what we have_

_(Within Temptation – See Who I Am)_

* * *

Jane sighed quietly, and feeling the air leave her lungs, she closed her eyes. There was not much to look at, after all. Her room was dark and cold now.

After a long moment, she sat back a bit and drew her knees up to wrap her pale arms around them. The white nightgown did not provide enough warmth, but she still refused to slide under the blanket. Instead, she had chosen just to sit at the very edge of her bed, as if she feared it would bite her.

She rested her chin on her bent knee and glanced at her dim reflection in the mirror on the opposite wall. She could have sworn her blue eyes shone back at her. Her heart sped up.

It felt so strange. Those eyes… Of course Jane realized they did not belong to her; she still remembered the exact shade of her own, brown eye-color. And she wished she could have kept it.

She could remember the moment of her change - a hand with elegant, long fingers had caught hers and turned her around. With a start, she had looked up into those sharp, green eyes. They had harbored an immense depth and something else, something more… She could not have named it back then. And his face… so unusual, so unearthly. His skin had been ashen and his features weary, but still, he had been beautiful.

"_Jane, please come with me."_ He had said. And warmth had spread through her chest.

And she had obeyed.

But now Jane desperately wished that Loki could see her own eyes. Because not only were they nicer than this unnatural shade of blue, but they were simply hers. They used to be an important part of her personality; they used to shape how others had viewed her. And she had been always complimented on them.

_Yes, if only he could see the true me. _Jane thought and turned away from the mirror.

She had come to dislike her new eye-color and tried to avoid thinking about it as much as possible. But even more disturbing was the fact that Loki seemed to get all uncomfortable at the sight of it, too. She could tell. He appeared to get restless whenever he looked into her eyes for a longer time. He had even asked her a few times to close her eyes during their lovemaking, as if the blue color had burned him.

And it all just felt so strange… as strange as everything she had done over those last days.

This new amazing science project Loki had chosen her for was something completely unknown and unseen before. It was so challenging and intriguing. It should have felt right to work on it – something like that had always been her dream, yes? What else she could have wished for? The very essence of what the universe was made of and how it was working was right there, right in front of her. It would have taken just reaching out a hand and grasp all the mysteries, but no. There was something wrong; something heavy and burning inside her. At times it felt as if there was someone else within her, someone who had decided that she should never feel any joy, any pride and any enthusiasm for her work. Not anymore.

And so it was. The feeling after each achievement was in fact far from rewarding. It was… bitter. Every time she had discovered something new and fascinating about the Cube, it would not feel good, no. It would turn into poison that stung on her tongue.

It felt so wrong. And it all felt like a constant fight against a ghost. It was an enormous battle she had grown so tired of. And tiredness had turned into pain. It had become almost unbearable, but when Jane had thought she could not last anymore, something unexpected had happened. Loki had sought her once more. He came to her and had shown a sincere interest and care. Not only for the project itself, but surprisingly, for her as well. And he had seemed to know her; to know absolutely everything about her.

And he cared…

From that time on, every time they were together, the weariness disappeared, the pain stopped and the world seemed to start turning the right way.

They had a wonderful time together during the lunchtime that day. At the time when Jane had managed to get through the major part of the obtained data, Loki had simply appeared in the doorway of her lab. He had smiled at her lightly and gestured for her to leave the work and go with him. He had taken her to the part of the old building where she had not been allowed to before. They had ascended to the upper levels to finally enter a room filled with the midday sun.

There had been a table in the center of the room, with a vase of white roses, four glasses, a jug of water and a bottle of white wine.

A servant had appeared inaudibly as soon as they had sat down, and opened the bottle for them. He had been middle-aged, and his eyes shone the same shade of blue as Jane's. The man had been swift and silent, never asking questions, and had always disappeared in the same quiet manner after each served meal and refilled glass.

Jane had wished for the luncheon to be finished quickly as she'd still had a lot of data-processing to do, however, it had taken them almost two hours in the end. And to Jane's great wonderment, she and Loki had been talking all the while.

She had felt somewhat awkward and insecure at the beginning, not knowing what to say or what exactly to begin with, and he had seemed to sense it. And so Loki had begun the talk himself; and he spoke about nothing related to the Tesseract or their plan on taking over the world. He had simply talked about his childhood – how his closest family used to have lunch in the gardens at times and what kind of antics and mischief he and his brother used to cause every time. Of course he had managed to make Jane laugh and add her own little stories. They had ended up laughing together many times and had completely lost the count of time.

It had been truly an unforgettable time. They had both simply opened and eased into their talk as if there never had been any Cube, as if there weren't a great and devastating war ahead of them and the entire SHIELD after them.

He had asked her to speak about the things she liked and her wishes for the future. And he listened, his eyes vivid and intrigued as Jane had never seen them before.

It had been wonderful, but it had to end eventually. He had escorted her back down to her lab, wished her good luck, asked her to leave the instructions about the Cube on her desk and left.

And she had not seen him for the rest of the day.

She was wondering now how Loki managed to manipulate the Cube to prepare it for the installation on the Stark Tower. She had left every possible instruction and warning she could have thought of for him, but was still unsure whether she had truly included everything. What if she had omitted something crucial? What if he gets hurt because of her?

Hugging her bent legs firmly, Jane swayed back and forth and tried to chase away the insane thoughts and images from her mind.

_Please, be careful…_

But Loki was no fool, right? His mind was brilliant, and he knew what to do. He was not the one to panic. He was always sure about his actions. Right?

_Please, come… return to me…_

He would handle it, yes? Even if something went wrong, he would handle it. There were no men like him in this world - he was far from fragile. He was strong. But, on the other hand, the Cube harbored a force too vast even for him to imagine…

Jane sighed again. He had been nowhere to be seen, nowhere to be found that evening. She had asked people, but no one, not even Clint, had known anything about Loki and the Cube.

And so now, in the darkness of her room, Jane laid the side of her head on her knee. Her body shook with a small, withheld sob. A tear ran from the corner of her eye and over the bridge of her nose.

Her lips moved silently. "Please, come to me."

Two soft knocks sounded on the door.

"Loki?" Jane leapt up.

The door swung open and the one addressed stepped inside. Then he let the door close behind him and leaned against it wearily.

Jane ran to him and threw her arms around his neck. Pressing her face against his chest, she held him dearly. "Are you alright?" she demanded, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Yes, I think so… It went well." He answered and held her, too. "Jane, what is it?" he bowed his head and whispered against the top of her head. "Are you crying?" Loki breathed out in surprise, and caught a teardrop on his knuckle.

"I was so worried about you." She said and looked up to him, reached out one hand and touched his face. He was sweating. "No one had any news about you, and I feared I might have made a mistake…"

"No! No, Jane, your instructions were precise as always." He explained eagerly and cupped her face. "I did everything as we had arranged. The energy levels are stable and the Tesseract is warming up now. It cannot be detected, as you had confirmed to me." He let out a relieved laugh then. "Just imagine it: our device sits peacefully right under that pompous "Stark" sign, completely unnoticed. As I say, it's all fine. I am just a bit tired."

Struggling to hold back any further sobs, Jane smiled through the tears and cradled his face in her hands. He studied her with a sincere amazement.

"Have you doubted me, my lady?" He asked her then.

"Not you." she breathed. "But me. I doubted me."

"Jane." Loki whispered her name and held his eyes closed for a second. "Believe in yourself, my little big woman."

She smiled and lowered her eyes.

He looked at her once more, his gaze lingering for a moment, but then he blinked and looked around the room. "Your blanket is untouched." he observed. "Jane, don't tell me you've been sitting on the edge on your bed and waiting for me all this time. You must be cold!"

"No. No, I'm fine." She denied the truth. "You're back, and that's all that matters now."

"Stop lying to me, dear. Or else I'll punish you." He frowned half-heartedly, and the tiredness seemed to fade away a little.

"Oh would you?" Jane asked playfully, standing on her toes.

"Oh I would." He confirmed with a mischievous smile and pressed a kiss on her forehead. "Come, you need to warm yourself." He said then, opened the door, bent down to hold her and lifted her up.

"And where are you taking me now, good sir?" she asked with a twinkle in her eyes, and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"There is a warm bath waiting for me in my chambers." He said calmly and carried her out of the room.

* * *

In the end, all Loki needed was just for Jane to sit down in the tub with him and share the warmth of the water. And when she did, for the first time that night, he let himself relax and let out a relieved breath.

When the bath temperature dropped to lukewarm, Jane suddenly withdrew and turned to him. Loki opened his weary eyes and just observed her, but remained silent as she decided to take care of him. Keeping quiet as well, she just washed his hair and skin from the sweat, then helped him on his feet, poured fresh water over them both and held his hand as he stepped out of the tub. Then she dried him first, then herself. It all felt like a dream to him.

Jane then wrapped a towel around him and led him to the bedroom. There she removed the towel, set aside the blankets and gestured for him to lie down. He obeyed and shifted to make place for her.

When Jane nestled down in his arms with her back turned to him, he held her close.

"Jane..?" he whispered, realizing how difficult it was to make his lips move.

"Yes?" she whispered back, tilting her head to him.

Loki held her even tighter then, making them both curl up. He buried his face into her tousled hair and then nuzzled against her neck. "I love you." He said.

"I love you, too, Loki." She answered and squeezed his hand in hers.

And as no further words were needed, he smiled against her skin and fell asleep.

* * *

_**AN:** The conclusion is near, my friends!_

_Next chapter: Loki and Jane activating the Cube on the top of the Stark Tower… and the Avengers closing in._


	6. Chapter 6

Jane watched with horror in her wide eyes - one hand pressed against her chest - as the plumes of black smoke rose menacingly to the red, burning sunset sky.

The sounds of crashes, explosions and gunfire seemed to filter through an invisible barrier to her. They were so strangely mute… But the sight of smoking, shattered buildings, people standing in the broken windows and waving for help was far too clear and real. From atop the Stark Tower, she could see it all. All the terror and misery.

The war.

But it was not supposed to be like that. She knew. This wasn't as Loki had planned; as _they_ had planned together. She always wanted to please him, but she never wanted _that_…

Jane withheld a sob bravely. _He must know. I must talk to him now. And he will fix it. He has to. _

And so she turned around, to see the spot on the terrace where they had placed and activated the device with the Tesseract. A white beam of light was being emitted to the sky, holding an enormous inter-dimensional gate open. A gate for an army. An army so strong and numerous no one had ever seen before. An army of creatures so fierce and… vile… and cruel… and ugly, oh how ugly they were! She had seen them before, in Loki's memories that he had revealed to her, but facing them for real was something different. Their ashen-grey skin, the dead eyes… They reminded her of walking corpses. A living death in armor. But they were Loki's now. They were his to command.

She saw him finally – his green cape was flapping restlessly with the wind. He was standing there, right over there… He was staring in the eyes of a huge, monstrous figure before him. She knew that one, too. His skin was dark red, his eyes blue and shining with a light that brought suffering and madness to the soul.

"Loki!" She called out. She cried the name over and over again, but her love would not turn his head to her. He eventually just shifted his eyes. The clear, green eyes once so beautiful were now filled with terror.

"Loki, stop it! Please, make it stop and let us go home!" She pleaded with him. But he was not listening. Instead, he turned back to the dark monster in front of him and handed it his golden scepter. The monstrous man accepted it with a twisted smile, and then turned it against Loki's chest.

"No." Jane's lips trembled. "No, this could not be. This is not happening… This is not true." She kept telling herself as she watched the blue fingers of the spell seeping into her love's heart. It went up then, and the precious green color of his orbs was erased. Two black holes gaped there for a terribly long moment before the orbs flickered back to life. But it was not the life as before. This one was fake. It was a lie. A blue-colored lie.

Tears trickled down her face as she fell slowly on her knees. She knew she had just lost him.

"You can prevent it." A voice came. She snapped her head after it.

Her eyes went wide with shock – she was looking into her own, brown orbs… the voice was hers. The eyes frowned sternly.

"You know you can. You can prevent it all. You can save him. I just need you to let me speak!" her other self insisted.

"But…" Jane mouthed desperately.

"Look around you, fool!" her brown-eyed self grabbed her jaw and made her look at the mayhem below. "Is this what you wanted? What you _truly_ wanted?!" the firm hand shook her, demanding the answer.

"No." Jane managed, helpless.

"Then _do_ something! We're not weak. We can fight it! Just let me!"

It felt so weird to hear her own voice shout at her.

"Jane." Another voice whispered above her. She turned.

"Loki?" Jane breathed, studying him. There were tears gleaming in his new blue eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Jane." He said with a broken voice as he kneeled before her and put his hands around her neck. "It needs to be done. I'm so sorry… Forgive me, please. Please, Jane…"

…

"Jane!" he was whispering her name and stroking her face gently. "Jane, wake up to me."

And she opened her eyes. Suddenly, she sucked in a desperate, deep breath and sat up in shock.

"Jane, Jane, shh! Just a dream, just a dream…" Loki kept whispering against her skin as he followed her.

Jane's breath was coming out in short, painful gasps and moans. She realized she was sweating… and crying – she was shedding tears for real! She felt sick.

A candle flickered to life on the nightstand. He reached out and brought a glass of water to her lips. "Drink, Jane. It's all right now, all right now."

She did as he said and emptied the glass. He took it from her then and put it back on the nightstand and held her close. "What was your dream about, Jane? Tell me."

"I – " She tried but her voice failed her. She wanted to tell him everything, to warn him somehow, but the words simply would not come out of her mouth. It felt like the things she had intended to say hit a barrier inside her throat and remained stuck there. "I don't… I don't want to lose you." She heard her voice say then.

"And you won't." he said firmly, put a finger under her chin and made her look him in the eye. "I _won't_ leave you, Jane. Do you hear me?" He claimed, searching her sapphire eyes. "I will never abandon you." He reassured her, his tone much softer this time.

She kept watching him silently at first, but in the end she nodded her head once, the movement almost imperceptible. Her eyelids slid down and up again, squeezing out the last remaining teardrops.

He brought her closer then and rested his forehead against hers. "Jane…" he breathed, weaving his fingers through her hair. "The truth is the others just follow me. They do as I say because I give them no other choice." he whispered slowly. "But you, Jane… you are different. You know me. You see through my shell, you share my thoughts. You accept me. You're always there, keeping me sane... keeping me sane..." He repeated, holding her tightly, his thumbs wiping away her tears.

Unable to make a sound, Jane just gave a nod again. She wrapped her hands around his shoulders and let out a long breath. Thoughts raced through her mind, but eventually, they slowed down and stilled. She could not tell how long it took her to be able to move again; it felt as if they both had turned into a statue. Two lost lovers carved in pearl-white marble.

In the end, she was the first to stir. She shifted, pulling back to look at him.

The long shadows cast by the candle fire danced on the walls as the reflection of the flame twinkled in his emerald eyes. His ever so straight and kempt hair was framing his face with unruly waves now. He looked very different like that. So unusual, so strangely vulnerable. With her eyes fixed firmly on him, she brought up a forefinger and traced the line of his dark eyebrow. She was astounded. The concern and revealed emotion, the faint light illuminating his face – it all showed his true self. It all reflected in his features and made him beautiful beyond speaking. And he was looking back, though she could not tell if he truly saw her. He seemed to be beholding something distant. It could have been from his past, or as well something awaiting him in the future.

But eventually, his eyes met hers. He looked at her and saw her.

He then ran a gentle fingertip along her jawline. "I do, Jane. I do love you."

"I know." She said softly, her small hand caressing his cheek. His gaze traveled down her body and Jane realized that something in the way he watched her nakedness made her heart restless. The heat unfolded in her chest and she drew in a shallow breath.

"You are so beautiful, Jane. _My_ Jane." He mouthed as he leaned in, slowly, so slowly, and placed his lips on hers. It was a mere touch, soft and gentle, and yet it made her shiver.

After a long moment, the sweet pressure on her mouth weakened as he started to pull back. _No_, she thought, and breathing out sharply, she brought him back, her hands cradling his face.

Gasping silently, he gave in. He would have smiled with pleasure if he could. Pulling her as close as possible, he surrendered to the searing kiss. Eager and avid, she held him dearly, exploring his mouth, tasting his lips and tongue. The way she expressed her longing for him was making him completely defenseless and desperate for more.

No, he could not help it. He had to relish it all - it just felt so alive. Pulling away for a breath, he shifted and lowered his head to graze on her silken neck fervently. How he loved that scent… He even loved the smell of her sweat. He loved the softness of her skin and her hair. He wanted to run his fingers along each shape and curve and line of her fragile body; she was so slender and beautiful… Beyond all doubt, his words were true. He _loved_ _her_.

And thus, biting gently on her earlobe and neck, Loki made Jane lay down on her back, determined to cover every bit of her skin in kisses. He smiled at the sound of her voice whispering his name; he could not overhear the yearning in it. He knew she was waiting. He was well aware of his own longing that was nearly driving him insane; however, there was enough time, wasn't it? And so he decided to prolong their sweet ache to agony.

He only wished he could see her true eyes; that the blue could turn into amber, like in his dream. Because each time he looked in her eyes, the blue color showed him the merciless truth.

And the truth was that all of it was just a lie.

* * *

The gusts of fresh wind tugged at her clothes and hair. _I should have braided it_, Jane thought as the wild locks flapped before her eyes, blocking her view from the highest terrace of the magnificent Stark Tower.

But then she sensed a movement behind her, and a swift but gentle hand gathered the majority of the disobedient hair tresses and held them at the back of her head.

"Don't worry, Jane. I'll stay with you and protect you. At all costs." Loki promised to her ear.

She blinked once. The light of the late afternoon sun kissed the window panes of the opposite buildings. The sky was clear and another ordinary day went on below. No one cared. No one knew.

Well, some cared. Perhaps too much for her and Loki's liking. She was aware that SHIELD was after them, literally breathing on their backs, but she would not have thought that the encounter that morning would be so hard to win. Many of their men had died, and they had lost Clint. During the fighting, he betrayed them and turned on them.

But Loki managed to save her, and they had escaped. It would have seemed that their plan had been ruined, but the truth was that no one knew the exact position of the Tesseract. No one, except Loki and her.

And so they stood there, atop the Stark Tower, enjoying the last moments of calm and peace.

Jane sighed and put a hand on Loki's arm that was wrapped around her waist. She felt so uneasy. Her head was heavy and aching, and it felt so hard to breathe. The feeling of being torn apart inside was back with all its might. Her heart started racing against her chest bone. She felt she must do something or her innards and ribs would boil and burst out.

She opened her mouth. "It… It is not… my fate… that bothers me." She heard her voice say. It was so hard to say those words, she felt as if her mouth was being filled with sand. "It's… it's the others." She managed. A tear ran down her cheek, but it was a strange feeling. Like she were not the one who had shed it. "Who will protect all those people?" she said loudly, her throat tightening.

"Jane..?" Loki gasped and turned her about quickly. He looked in her eyes. She was… she was crying. She…

No, her eyes were still unnaturally blue. There was no significant change. The spell was still there… but he had thought the same about Clint, and yet… No, he could not lose her. All the rest, with Barton in the lead, could march to Hel this instant, but he would not give _her_ away. Not his Jane. He must do something. Now.

"Jane, listen to me." He spoke to her gently – as gently as he could in the wind. He held her face, making sure their eyes stayed locked. "I understand. You have a kind heart. A loving heart. I know your soul will suffer at the sight of death. It is not my wish, Jane, but I fear it is inevitable. Still, I promise to spare as many lives as possible." He assured her, though he himself was not certain about his statement at all.

"I wish my brother and his… _comrades_ weren't in our way. We could avoid so many unnecessary suffering then." He sighed.

"Jane you must believe me. Please, trust me and stay close to me. Because when it's done… I…" He swallowed hard. Should he do that now? Perhaps… Yes, he should. Something in her eyes went wrong – they looked so different and strange. He must act quickly; he must try everything not to lose her.

"Jane, listen… I – I have something for you." Loki revealed and swallowed again. His voice was failing him, the desperate tears threatening his eyes.

He – no, _they_ were so close, and yet his delusional world was now shattering around them. The columns he had built of a false hope finally started to give up.

"Yes?" she smiled lightly, but her eyes seemed to be unable to focus on him.

"Yes." Loki almost faltered at the sight, two beads of tears rolling down his cheeks. He took her hand, unfolded her palm and put something in it.

Jane lowered her stare to view her gift.

A ring.

A small, beautiful ring of white gold with one opening that resembled an eye. And inside the eye, there were two gemstones: one bigger, a diamond, and beside it one smaller, an emerald.

"Jane, I… if I seize this world by war, the people will regard me as a tyrant. I mean to rule wisely, I mean to take care of every human, I mean to lead them so they would stop fighting each other, but still, they will not see my intentions. They will hate me. But… but with someone kind-hearted and gentle and wise beside me… someone as wise and good as you… someone of their own kind ruling with me… I was thinking they might change their view eventually. But most importantly, it is me who is in need of such a person. Because… you already rule my heart, Jane." he breathed in and out. And again. "And so I'm asking you, Jane. Will you become my queen?"

He had always thought this moment would be one of the sweetest in his life. But now he was watching Jane hold the ring – the ring his mother, Frigga, once had given him – and say nothing.

_Please…_ he almost caught himself saying it aloud.

Jane swallowed. A bitter taste was stinging her tongue. She frowned as if trying to remember something important.

"But…" she started breathing quickly. "I am a mere human, Loki. I will grow old and fade beside you. I will die eventually."

"Yes, I know." He agreed. "But we have the Tesseract, don't we? I have planned it all already. I will grant to you what Odin once granted to me, Jane. We'll stay together. We will." He said, not even trying to hold the tears anymore. "Our years will be long and bright, filled with love. I know it."

She stared at him for a silent moment, still saying nothing.

"Jane..?" he asked desperately, holding her by the shoulders firmly.

She looked at the ring again. "I wish that the others could see you as I am allowed to see you." She said softly then. "You are good inside. There is a kindness in your heart. And I wish…"

"Yes?" he rasped, his breathing fast and shuddering. "What is it you wish, Jane?"

"I wish…"

It was so weird. Jane could hear her voice from the inside and from the outside at the same time, like there were two of them speaking.

_Just let me speak!_ She remembered her other self say in her dream.

"I wish you could know me." she said then, her mouth moving as if someone else was driving it. "I wish you could look into my real eyes. They were so much nicer… You know?" She spoke those words very slowly, for her lips and facial muscles felt almost numb. She thought it must have looked silly.

"I know Jane. I wish for it, too, trust me." He said. And he meant it. "But remember what happened with Clint this morning. He betrayed me. He turned on me. I lost him."

"No, I…" Jane took in a deep breath and looked him in the eye with a new resolve. "I think I've got it. I figured it out in my mind, Loki. My true self… she disagrees… with something… but she must have feelings for you. She does, I know it. Because all this time I have felt so wrong… but not with you. She must like you, too. And she… Ah!" A strong pain shot through her body and twisted her brain. She curled up in convulsion.

"Jane!" he cried out and caught her. "What is it she wants? Tell me, Jane." He insisted, brushing the brown hair strands off her face.

"She wants to speak to you. She wants to tell you something important." Jane faltered, wincing with pain.

Loki searched her face for a hesitant moment longer, but in the end, he realized he could not continue this delusion. Reaching out his hand, he summoned the golden scepter. He let her lie on the floor. He leaned over and for a last time, he touched her cheek gently. She smiled at him. He wished he could smile back, but it was not in his power. Tears fell down his chin when he brought the tip of the scepter to her heart.

Jane's vision suddenly blurred and faded. A split second later it felt like someone had just lifted an enormously heavy blanket off her entire body. The razor-sharp lights cut her eyes and she gasped for air, for life. An unbearable pain split her skull in two. She let out a long, painful wail.

Then a shadow towered above her, blocking the light. It was a face. A man with emerald eyes so sharp, urgent and terrifying, they felt like two burning pits of green fire.

"Look at me!" he commanded.

And she did, reaching out and holding his face in place. It helped. The eyes seemed to literally suck the pain out of her, and when it was gone her arms just fell on the cold floor, lifeless.

Jane felt tired. So tired and weary she had never felt before. She could not even move. Even blinking was an enormous effort.

"You wished to speak to me." He said, his eyes roving, searching her face wildly.

"Yes." she breathed and looked around. Yes, she knew where they were. And what they were about to do. She knew now.

"There is another way." She made her mouth move eventually. "You… must… not… open the portal. There is another… way."

"No, no, no." He shook his head in desperation. "Is that all you wanted to tell me? Then let me clear to you, Jane, that there is _no_ other way. I must do it. Otherwise…"

"He will destroy you if you let him here." Jane said with a resolve. She could feel the strength pour in her muscles again. "You know it, Loki. Let's stop lying to ourselves. You would not be a king. He's going to make you his puppet again." She pressed, trying to prop herself on her elbows.

"But don't you understand, Jane? He'll come anyway! He will find the way – the same way they sent me here. He will use it… And then, everything will be much worse, much worse than any of us can imagine… I must do it!" He shouted at her. But he was desperate. Finally he admitted to himself that he had feared opening the gate as much as anyone else in this world would have.

"But this is what I mean!" Jane shouted back. "Listen to me – the Tesseract is the key! It is the only way he can get here. The way to open the portal is encoded within it. The power to do so is inside it. But open your eyes, Loki. There is also enough power in the Tesseract to destroy the portal once and for all!"

"How… how do you know?" he frowned, kneeling beside her but not attempting to help her as she struggled to sit up.

"It was… obvious. From the beginning… Did you really think that connecting the Tesseract to the starting power source was so difficult?" he allowed herself a little smile. "No. It was a matter of one afternoon. It took me so long because I was still there, I could still take a minor control of myself when I was tired enough. And whenever I could, I was searching for the algorithm. And I found it. It took me so long because I was creating another method in addition to the original one."

"Right before my eyes?" he asked in wonderment.

"Precisely… sir." She breathed out heavily when she finally managed to sit up. She crossed her legs and stretched her arms on the floor before her. She was exhausted. "It is there." She sighed wearily. "You only need to stop the current method and run the other."

"There's no such file. I checked it. There's just…"

"The backup?" she ended the sentence for him, attempting a cheeky grin.

Frowning, he let out a snort. "And they call _me_ the Trickster."

"Yeah." She let out a laugh. Then she shook her head. The world was about to shatter and she's laughing with the one willing to conquer it. Wasn't it just ridiculous?

Droplets of cold sweat formed on her skin. She started to shake. "Will you do that, Loki?" turning serious again, she asked him, the brown eyes burning into the green.

He broke the eye contact then and looked at the Tesseract. It was spinning inside the device, faster and faster. He could feel the massive force field around it – it was growing stronger gradually. Getting through it and then back would be an exhausting task.

"Let's hope I still can." He said, got up and rushed to the device.

He could not stop a faint smile from twirling his lips when he got inside the field, and pressed the Q button to stop the current method. The backup file… Who would have thought about it?

He sighed. "Of course I am sure…" he murmured at the window that had just popped up. Those humans… always demanding to be reassured.

It was so easy to switch between the programs. So easy… She had tricked him. She had used his own weapons against him. However, this thought was nothing against the stabbing pain in his chest when he realized she might have been faking everything.

He launched the new method and then bowed his head. He breathed out. No, she wasn't. _His_ Jane was not faking anything. His Jane that had lived just a few days. But she had to disappear in the end, he had known it from the very start.

His mind turned blank when he tried to think about what would happen now. There was no future. But whatever his fate, whatever his punishment, he would have the memories. His blue-eyed Jane would stay with him in his thoughts.

The device started to hum. And then there was a powerful yank – his golden scepter had been just sucked into the shimmering depths of the Cube. He must get out. Now.

…There was a white darkness all around him.

"Loki?" A woman's voice called.

Floor. He was lying on the floor. He blinked.

"We did it. You did it." She said eagerly.

"Jane?" He squinted against a light, but realized there was none. Not really. The sky above him was turning a deep shade of purple. It was almost evening. But there was something… He turned to the right and saw the Tesseract emitting the light. It shone like a beacon atop the tower.

"It's working. He will never threaten you again." She cheered. She was beside him, he realized, supporting his head in her lap and stroking his cheek gently.

"Jane." He whispered and touched her face.

"But listen to me now." She insisted. "You must go. They're coming for you."

"Oh." Somehow, Loki just did not know what to think.

"They're coming, Loki!" She shifted to lay his head on the floor and looked down at him, her eyes wide. "You. Must. Go."

"And where, Jane? Where is my kingdom now?" he sighed and turned to the darkening sky above him with a smile. Oddly enough, he felt absolutely relaxed. The first stars began to appear and shine on them as an approaching helicopter hummed a soft song.

She took his hand in hers and let her warm fingers entangle with his slender and cold ones. He squeezed her hand – and his eyelids fluttered. She was wearing a ring - the ring his mother, Frigga, had given him once.

* * *

_See who I am,  
Break through the surface.  
Reach for my hand,  
Let's show them that we can  
Free our minds and find a way.  
The world is in our hands,  
This is not the end._

_Within Temptation – See Who I Am_

* * *

Reviews! Please, please, please. They feed my muse._  
_

Oh and the song is right. This is not the end! ;)


	7. Chapter 7

_Three days later_

...

Jane's eyelids slid shut and then squeezed; her eyes started to feel unpleasantly dry and sore. She blinked a few times then and tried to focus on the rows of white letters on the black background displayed on the screen of her laptop.

Well, this one was not really hers. It used to be for a few past days, but now she was supposed to finish her job and hand it over to SHIELD. There was much to find, after all. But not for her; not anymore.

Her eyes lowered to the keyboard, to her hands, her fingers… Just three days ago there was a ring on one of them. A beautiful, gleaming little thing with two gemstones – a diamond and an emerald – its size surprisingly accurate, just perfectly fitting. How come it had appeared on her finger that day? What had that gesture truly meant? Why had she put it on?

Oh yes, she had been asked to do it. Or better, asked if she wanted to wear it. However, she had never gotten to give the answer. And then she had become herself again. She'd had her own mind back to think it over properly. But had she really? What she had been thinking at all when putting the ring on?

The scene emerged before her eyes again, regardless if she truly wanted to recall it or not…

…_A flash of white light and then she heard a thud – something landed on the floor a few feet away from her. No, _someone_. _

"_Loki?" She called out, and gathering all her strength, she scrambled on her feet eventually. But as she did, something fell and rang against the dark floor, something shiny and small. It twinkled in the orange light of the setting sun as it kept leaping away from her. A breath held still in her throat as she fell on her knees, extending her hand to grasp it. _

_It was the ring. The one Loki had given her. She must have forgotten as the spell had been removed. _

_Closing the ring in her hand, she whirled about with a sharp gasp then, and crawled towards the motionless figure._

_There was something weird about him, and in a second it seeped into her mind. There were plumes of smoke rising up from his body – like he were immensely hot and someone had just poured a bucket of water over him. The leather of his clothes was hot to touch, and she could sense the smell of rendered hair and skin. Loki's face and hands were covered in crimson splotches and marked with long blisters; his lips were parched and chapped, his hair warped, his eyebrows and long, dark lashes almost gone._

_Breathing quickly, Jane was biting her lower lip in a rather frantic manner as she watched him just lie there all stiff and still. She kneeled beside him, her hands flapping helplessly about. "What do I do?" she whimpered, a teardrop leaving the corner of her eye. "Someone tell me!" she shouted, her head snapping from side to side._

_She held back a sob then, and wiped the tear away angrily. The ring gleamed at her as she turned it between her fingers. She scowled at it as if it were responsible for all the mess that was currently her life. What was she possibly supposed to do about this little thing? She couldn't just wear it; it was not just a random ring. It had a meaning. But as long as no one sees her wearing it… But then again…_

_Chewing on her lip she kept watching it, rolling it… And then, just simply and smoothly, she put it on._

_A short, choking sound distracted her. She looked back at Loki and watched the plumes of vapor over his body turn into soft tendrils. And eventually, even those faded away completely. He suddenly breathed in sharply, but his eyes did not open. His skin started to heal and turn pale again, the lines of his eyebrows coming forth gradually._

_As the sky darkened and the stars started to awaken above, so did he. And she was with him, his head rested in her lap. However, the noise of the approaching helicopter was unmerciful. She tried to spur him to his feet, but he seemed not to care about anything anymore. His eyes looked up, reflecting all the lights and… peace. _

_Was that it? Was he giving up? Was this how it all should end?_

_She held his hand gently then, and he squeezed her warm fingers. He looked at her as his cold fingertips brushed over the ring. His eyebrows furrowed with a question and he opened his mouth, blankly at first. However, even if he intended to say something, she would not hear him any longer._

_The helicopter sat on the terrace, the air whirling around and tugging at them both violently. Smooth, dark shadows ran forward, surrounding them like a pack of silent wolves. _

"_Clint, don't!" Jane shrieked, shaking her head._

"_Tell me why I shouldn't!" Clint demanded, shouting at her as the silvery tip of an arrow aimed at Loki gleamed before her._

"_You know nothing! He saved our lives!" Jane yelled back. She had never found a reason to grow fond of this assassin and she saw none at the moment, either._

"_Says who?" Clint spat, his sharp eyes flitting from her to Loki and back. Seeing that Loki posed no real threat, Clint stepped closer to put the arrow point under her chin. He made her tilt her head so he could view her eyes in more detail. "He had played with our minds, don't you realize it now?" He pointed out to her upon noticing the brown color of her irises. The other shadows of his wolf pack closed in._

_But before she could answer a swishing sound cut through the air overhead and another set of lights came into view. Accompanied by the clinging noise of metal against the cold floor, the Iron Man, all gold and red, landed before them._

"_A group-hug atop my tower?" He greeted half-heartedly, keeping his voice rather cautious. "May I join? Dr. Foster..?"_

...

"Jane? Hey, Jane! Wake up!" He was saying right now. How and when he had gotten into the room, Jane had no idea.

Her eyelids quivered and she looked up. "Oh. Mr. Stark." She nodded in greeting.

Instead of an answer, he rolled his eyes as he leaned back against the table desk. "It's Tony, have you forgotten? To-ny." he gestured with his hand to help emphasize the syllables. "All right?" creasing his forehead, he gave her one of those looks – something between curiosity, doubt, worry and sheer interest; but whatever the emotion might have been, Jane really did not care.

"How is it coming?" He asked and darted a meaningful look over his shoulder at a box of glass and metal bristling with long cables of various colors where the Tesseract was now preserved.

"Actually," Jane sighed, rubbing at her eyebrow. "Great. Yeah… I'll be finishing soon." She muttered, gazing at the screen, her fingers returning to dancing over the keyboard in a rush.

"Hm." Tony hummed, pursing his lips as he touched the edge of the laptop with his fingertips.

Jane's eyes glimpsed at the hand. She considered chasing those fingers away, when - "When do they leave?" she asked all of a sudden, stopped typing and looked at him.

"Our prince and his mischievous little brother?" He gave a shrug. "As soon as you've finished, so it appears."

"Ah." She managed and resumed the typing. But then she stopped again. She sighed. "Okay, Tony, what do you want?"

He frowned. Seemingly, the question had taken him aback. "Well…" he gave a nod and grabbed a pencil to toy with it. "Most likely just to see you at work. But of course I can leave, if that's a problem."

"See me at work?" Jane repeated, making an uncomprehending face.

"Is that what I said, J.?" Tony asked, looking up and around the room.

"Very much so, sir." A bodiless voice replied. And again it made Jane think if she truly liked it or not. She had always admired the mere idea of being able to talk to the legendary Jarvis, but now as she finally got the opportunity it felt a 100% more like being watched and spied on 24 hours a day.

"Well, as long as I'm here you can watch me any time you please, from any room you please. There's no need to check on me in person." Jane replied eventually.

"Yes." Tony nodded and put down the pencil. "But as you alone mentioned yesterday, watching through the camera is nothing like actually being there."

A set of sharp needles pricked Jane's heart. Of course it wasn't, she admitted as she recalled the memory of watching Loki in his prison cell. He'd been still so weak, just sitting on the floor and breathing, his eyes lowered and closed. And he'd had no idea she was watching him. No one was allowed to that particular section of the building – no one except Nick, Thor and a group of specially selected staff. And so it happened she was not included in that group.

"But back to the point." Tony resumed then, completely overlooking the unnecessary comment he had just made. "I was just thinking… It's said you'll be returning to your research project in Alaska..?"

"So it appears."

"Really? Well… isn't it too far and cold and just… far?"

"All right, Tony, what's your point?" Jane sighed lengthily, drawing her eyebrows together. "Do you want to offer me a job or..?" She eyed him with suspicion, yet with a look somewhat softer than before.

"Oh!" He let out an appreciative sound, his eyebrows rising up. "Is that what we intend, Jarvis, dear?" He asked into the space.

"_You_ do, sir. I cannot speak for myself." The computer replied. "Yet." It added, much to Jane's confusion.

And so her eyebrows climbed up as well, her eyes piercing Tony's with unspoken questions.

"Not immediately, you see. It's a… let's call it a near future project." Tony announced, scratching at the back of his head. "But we can begin on the correspondence basis, you know. You may actually stay in that far away village no one's ever heard of and continue your work; I'll only require some email exchange and occasional visits."

"And what exactly is the job about if I may ask?"

"Basically… upgrading Jarvis." Tony revealed calmly.

"What?" she smiled in disbelief. "Tony, I'm no engineer, let alone an IT expert – "

"Although I beg to differ," Tony interrupted her, raising a forefinger and putting emphasis on the last word, "that won't be required of you. It's just that I could use some advice on novel power-sources, and I thought you had something to say to that matter. Please, don't give me that look." He pointed out upon noticing her suspicious frown. "I planned to involve Bruce at first," Tony resumed then, "but he seems to be quite serious about the medical science at the moment."

"Tony – " Jane let out an awkward laugh.

"Look, correct me if I'm wrong, dear, but I think you're the first one who has ever controlled and managed a power source from the outer space, its features unknown to mankind… and actually played with it right under the nose of Mr. Glorious Purpose? Just tell me it's not a proof of genius and I would tell you that…" he shrugged, "that it is."

"Tony," she said quietly, avoiding his eyes, "I'm really honored, but – "

"Ms. Foster?" a comforting, female voice intoned from the doorway behind her back. "Do you have a minute?"

Jane wheeled about in her chair. It was Ms. Hill in her usual blue-grey, skin-tight overall, holding a file in her hand. Her hair was bound in a bun, her lips positioned in a light, tiny smile. Jane had already learned that this lady would always look the same, regardless of what kind of news she was bringing. That soft, chaste smile was her indestructible poker face.

And thus Jane was not entirely sure how she was supposed to feel about this visit, but nonetheless, hesitantly, she smiled back. "Of course." She said and watched the other woman approach.

"Okay." Tony sighed and straightened. "I'm leaving you under one condition. You'll give it a thought." He said, pointing at Jane as he walked backwards to the exit.

"Mmm…" Jane pursed her lips and looked up to the ceiling. "Done." She stated then, her eyes back to Tony.

"Hey! We're not done here, remember that." Still pointing, Tony declared just before he disappeared behind the closing door.

"So." Ms. Hill sighed then, dragged the nearest chair closer and sat down. "How do you feel, Ms. Foster?" She asked kindly, put the yellow file on the desk and opened it.

"Um… quite good, thanks." Jane lied.

"Well, as for your ECG and EEG records," Hill went on, taking out the relevant papers, "there are only minor deviations but they can be still considered within the standard. Same as in the case of the tests of your blood and urine samples. Oh, just… slightly, slightly elevated level of lymphocytes. But nothing you should worry about; we'll provide you with a proper diet."

"I see." Jane accepted the documents and even tried to look into them, but with no real interest.

"Now," Hill muttered tenderly as she revealed another document, this time of a different nature. "This is a draft summary of the entire incident, according to the statements we got from Clint, Loki, most of the mind-controlled staff and you. So, if you could check it, please." Hill asked and handed Jane the papers.

"Ah. Yes, yes I will." Jane breathed in reply, her eyes skimming briefly through the first few points, though she could not tell what she was reading in fact.

A rather nervous moment of silence followed. Then Ms. Hill stirred in her chair - it almost seemed like she was pondering something rather tricky. What could it be to make her actually display it on her face?

"And then there's another problem." Hill said finally, her eyes fixated on the remaining papers in the file.

"Yes?" Jane prompted quietly.

"Um… according to your statement and what you filled in in the medical form," Hill began slowly, carefully, "well, given the fact that Loki is not a human, the possibility is rather negligible but still…" She gestured with her hand, yet somehow the further words refused to come out.

"Yes?" Jane urged again, leaning a bit closer.

"The truth is, Ms. Foster that… we actually can't neglect the possibility of pregnancy." Hill revealed eventually, and finally raised her eyes to look into Jane's.

Except blinking once, Jane remained still at that. Then her lips moved. "What?" She said.

"Well, if what you said in the medical form is true, you haven't taken any birth control pills. And according to the date of the first day of your last menstruation – and of course provided that Loki was a human – the chance would in fact be quite high." Hill explained vividly, her cunning eyes searching Jane's face as if trying to force the obvious truth in her mind.

Still keeping quiet, Jane just lowered her confused stare in reaction to Ms. Hill's speech. But although she could have appeared calm from the outside, she was gasping frantically inside her mind. The fact was that she hadn't considered this option at all. It had not even touched her thoughts. Not until now. _Oh, well… But what about Loki? Has he ever thought of this eventuality?_ The mixture of confusion, disillusion, but most of all confusion and confusion again boiled within her.

"So," Jane managed finally, "what do I do?"

"Not much at the time being, to be honest. It is still too early to find out, anyway. So, first we need you to stay in touch the next few weeks and keep us informed. And," the agent sighed, "if the result's positive… then we'll need to take the appropriate precautions."

Jane suddenly frowned. Deeply. Slightly amazed by the immediate shift in her thinking, she did not hesitate to speak her mind this time. "Precautions? What do you mean?"

Hill sighed again. More heavily now. "You see… As I mentioned before, given the fact who Loki really is – "

"So what?" Jane cut in. "Does it mean that his child shall be the root of all evil?"

Now it was Ms. Hill's turn to frown. "No." She shook her head, apparently slightly offended. "And I was not implying anything like that, Ms. Foster. Please, be so kind and do not twist my words." She demurred. "What I was trying to say was that Loki is an alien." she continued in a softer, more informative voice. "His race is, to put it softly, very different from ours. Should you be really pregnant with his child and should the child live, you would be the first case of such pregnancy. And you may encounter problems that the health care might not be able to help you with."

"Oh I see. Then I presume you will?"

"I can't promise that either." Hill said and tilted her head. "But at least I can say that unlike the others, we're well informed about what's going on."

"Okay." Jane breathed out heavily and propped her elbow on the table desk and let her eyes wander over the wall before her. Her head was spinning madly. Or was it the space around her? _No, this is just…_

"Okay, so…" Jane started over again, the tone of her voice somewhat hoarse and distant, "technically speaking, the Tesseract is ready; I believe that Dr. Banner or Tony Stark can easily take over from this point on. I – " she stopped as her throat started to tighten. "I need to go home, all right? I just… I want this to be over." Jane declared and remained still.

After a long moment of silence Ms. Hill finally inhaled and spoke. "I understand. Well, I think your departure will be possible in the morning. I'll check that out for you. But as for now… Thor wanted to speak to you, too."

"Hm." Jane managed, two hot teardrops escaping her eyes. She looked away. "What will happen to Loki?" she asked with a trembling voice.

"I'm afraid I don't know much. But what we do know is that Loki will be judged for all his crimes in Asgard. He committed treason against that realm… I cannot say what his punishment will be like, not really. I suggest asking Thor about this matter." Hill said quietly, her fingertips brushing over the surface of the paper. Finally, she stood up, closed the yellow file and took it under her arm. "I'll contact you soon. That'll be all for now." She almost whispered the last words, turned around slowly and made for the exit.

"What happened with the ring?" Jane asked over her shoulder, just before Ms. Hill could leave the room.

"Yes, the ring." the other woman murmured and turned back. "We haven't found any ulterior purpose about it. It appears to be _just_ a piece of white gold, an emerald and a diamond. Nothing more, nothing less."

"And… what will you do with it now?"

"It is a very valuable item made in Asgard. We will return it to Thor."

"Made in Asgard?" Jane repeated, astounded. From the start she had been quite certain that Loki obtained it here, on Earth.

"Yes. Apparently it's one of the gifts Loki received when he came of age." Ms. Hill explained. "But as I said, there are more competent… beings to tell you about it." She said and lingered in the doorway. "Shall I send Thor in after I'm gone?"

"Yes." Jane breathed. "If you'd be so kind."

* * *

_2 weeks later, Alaska_

...

Jane watched from her bed as the soft white curtain waved with the evening breeze. The cold air gave her chills and goose bumps started to form on the skin of her shoulder and upper arm. But the cold did not matter, not here. It simply belonged to this place; the chilly, fresh, humid air coming from the lake.

Jane just loved it there – she always had. The cold and morning white frost covering the grass blades was simply so much better than the heat and dirt of the New Mexico desert. So much more familiar and easy to get used to…

Back then, a few months ago when she had come here first, from the first moment she had looked out of the wide window of this little house and viewed the serene surface of the vast lake, her heart had been captured and bound to this place. The water was always so peaceful and clear, just reflecting the landscape around – the dark green forest, the white-and-grey shore, and the deep, deep blue sky. She especially admired the reflection of it – stargazing on the shore at cloudless nights always felt like being literally surrounded by the stars.

It had been two weeks since she had spoken with Ms. Hill, Thor, Ms. Hill again, and then left the New York City to return to her project in Alaska, to her own research; to return to her life before the Tesseract and Loki.

Swiftly, she pushed aside the blanket, got up and closed the window. For a moment she lingered there, looking through the window pane and up, somewhere up to a point in the sky. Then she let out a quiet sigh, returned to the bed and turned off the bedside lamp.

But no matter how hard she tried, as every night before this one, she could not sleep. First she had blamed the long travel, time difference and stress of the last days for it, but as the days and night kept passing by, she became restless and bothered. And even more so as the truth slowly started to seep in.

She was alone. Yes, it was true.

Well, she had been always alone in a certain fashion; she was in fact used to it. But now it was different. This time, being alone turned into being lonely.

And it had been long since she last felt this kind of loneliness. And she would rather not remember it.

She rolled onto her back and stared blankly at the ceiling. The images of the day came and went, passing by like a series of snapshots.

The research base, colleagues, papers, lunch, new laptop, new colleagues, travel home, dinner, washing-up… it all mixed and whirled into one, fading blur. And above it all loomed one particular image – the one she had seen repeatedly these last couple days. One, single line. Only one.

She blinked a few times. _Such darkness_, she thought. _It doesn't really matter if I keep my eyes closed or not._

No, it truly did not. And thus she watched that image in front of her, not being able to get rid of it, to drive it out of her thoughts, and had to admit how she felt.

Disappointed.

She sighed nervously. Of course it was disappointment. And with each negative result of the pregnancy test the disappointment grew and widened, encircled her and swallowed.

Jane remembered well how much she had actually expected the second band to appear in the result window this morning. It was about time for the period to begin, but it had not come yet. However, the single control line had remained unaccompanied.

Well, but it could still be too early, couldn't it? Yes, certainly. Perhaps tomorrow…

Or… more likely it was just as Ms. Hill indicated. Loki was an alien; of a race completely different from humans. In fact, he should not possess a human-like look at all. His skin should be a dark shade of blue, his orbs red and his body cold like an icicle. She did not have to be a biochemist to realize his genetic information must have been incomparable to that of humans.

She simply could not bear him children. It was impossible. And they simply could never be together. He had lived for centuries and would for centuries more. And she? She would die sooner than he would notice something was wrong. And immortality? She snorted internally. No, there was no possible way Jane could ever imagine living forever. She was a human. She was born to die; it was and always would be her fate. She had experienced - and it surely was not all - enough pain in this lifetime. There was no need for another one.

And what life they would have together at all? Did she really know him? Did he know her? Now being fully herself again, Jane could judge and evaluate everything she had learned about Loki clearly. Yes, there was something about him that just fascinated her – this mysterious instability of his, his brilliant mind and his ever so witty sense of humor when they had been alone. How gentle and fragile he was in fact. But then there was his mask he wore in public and in front of every other being except her. And this particular Loki was mad, cruel, unforgiving, and full of contempt and bitterness. She was trying to figure out which of those personalities was real, which prevailed in his heart and soul…

She could not tell. Perhaps he was just a super-powered criminal and a traitor, and insane, as everyone else kept saying.

And yet… and yet…

She rolled back onto her side and for a long, meditative moment lay still.

But then she stirred. A violent sob came out and the tears, too. Shaking and trembling, she covered her mouth with her hand to hold back his name that wanted to be cried out.

Rivers of sorrow and despair and feeling of utter, endless loneliness poured on her pillow. Because whatever she might have been making her heart to believe, there was no deny after all.

She loved him. She loved Loki. And that and nothing else had been the reason why she put his ring on.

But now it was all gone; the ring and Loki, too. Why she had been so apathetic about the whole case? She could have said something more, _do_ something more to help him… But she had let Loki slip through her fingers. And no one, not even Thor, could have told her when she would see him again.

Loki was a traitor of his realm, was he not? One of the worst crimes one could commit against his king. His punishment was going to be long, there was no doubt. And how long should the imprisonment of an immortal last? Tens of years? Hundreds?

Her body curled up and she pressed one hand balled up into fist against her heart. Another sob grasped her throat and held the sound of her desperate wail.

No, she would never see him again.

* * *

_Outside this barren room_  
_The rain is pouring down_  
_The emptiness inside_  
_Is growing deeper still_

_You're so far away_  
_And so alone_  
_You long for love's embrace_  
_To keep you sane_  
_To make you whole_

_Try to stay alive_  
_Until I hear your voice_  
_I'm gonna lose my mind_

_Someone tell me why_  
_I chose this life_  
_This superficial lie_

_(Dream Theater – Endless Sacrifice)_

* * *

Next chapter is coming soon! I'm also planning to post a short companion-piece about Loki's ring. It should be about young Thor and Loki discussing it's meaning shortly after Loki received it. So, reviews, please! They make me write faster ;) And I really suggest listening to the song - it's just breathtakingly deep and wonderful!_  
_


	8. Chapter 8

Hello dears! Here I am with another chapter. I apologize for the longer pause, but I do hope you enjoyed the companion-piece "The Ring" as well. It gives a deeper explanation to some stuff mentioned in this chapter, but it is not essential.

Just a little warning here: I'm letting out a portion of the dark side of me in this and a few following chapters. I guess my brain just needs it.

And now we can begin.

* * *

_The Kingdom of Odin is the Kingdom of Gods  
Where only souls of the brave may rest in peace  
But someone among them had the skill of deceit  
And raised the hand that would open the road to Hell_

…

_The ring has been broken and a soul must be saved  
Among the bravest of men, who rides to Hell  
The longships are sailing and the chariots ride  
And yes the anger of Thor will serve you well_

_(Black Sabbath – Valhalla)_

* * *

Thousands of needles pierced his skin at once. Such a feeling it was. Such a feeling – just to be here. It was different; everything was so different… here.

The darkness around was not just the lack of light. It could be sensed on the skin. It was fluid, it was thick, it was sticky. Walking in it felt like trying to get through a tank of honey. And it was burning. Each step took an eternity of immense, unthinkable pain. With each step he could feel his flesh burn and melt and warp. And yet, he could not stop. He had to keep walking and torturing himself. And why?

Because he wanted this. Because Loki Laufeyson chose this task willingly; he alone offered to do this to pay for his crimes. Only he alone could, after all. And although he had never actually visited this place before, only he alone knew how to get there and back alive.

A faint memory of Frigga breaking into tears at his decision touched his mind. Did she care for him after all? After all that had been said and done?

Anyway, even this painful quest was better than rotting in the prison. Because he would rot there long, too long. Too long to even hope to see her ever again. She would be dead for lifetimes by the time they would let him go. Jane, his Jane…

He knew that his Jane, the blue-eyed one, was already dead. But the real one was there instead. And she did not hate him. She had even put the ring on… What was the meaning of that gesture he did not dare say. But one thing was certain. The ring was meant for her to wear. _Give it to the lady that rules over your heart_, Frigga had said once. And he obeyed. He loved Jane, he would do anything for her, and so he had given her the ring. And it fit her finger precisely. Yes, that was it. It was meant for her to wear, no one else. Jane was that mysterious lady he'd been wondering about for ages. Jane.

And so he had to see her again. He wanted to tell her so many things… Or perhaps nothing at all. He was not sure, but he just had to see her.

Therefore he was here now, suffering and paying the high price to be able to enter this realm. He would enter alone, but should return with a companion – a brother that had been lost to the Realm Eternal because of Loki's doing. Loki had no idea as to how exactly accomplish this impossible task, but the first and the most important part was almost done. Almost.

The darkness was growing thicker and thicker, it felt like mud now. But he could not stop. No matter how laborious and painful it was, he had to keep walking further. And he was close, he knew it. He was almost there. At the gates of Hel.

* * *

Jane stirred restlessly and then her eyes fluttered wide open.

5:47am.

"Oh no." she groaned upon reading the digits on the clock beside her bed.

Her dreams had been strange that night. One of them, the weirdest, she could actually recall very clearly. She had been constantly chasing after someone she could not see; running miles and miles, the landscape around her turning barren and white with snow. Her tears were freezing, but she just did not mind. She had to scramble up and down the snowy hills and she did not feel cold. Finally, all the cities and forests and trees and rocks, everything disappeared, and there was just her, the endless plains of snow and ice and the dark, starry sky above. It was a wasteland, and the farther she ran, the more distant the horizon appeared to be. Severe blizzards rose against her, but somehow, the fierce, freezing winds could not take her down. Still unable to feel the cold and the frost, she kept running. But then she heard something. Someone called her name. And again. The voice was very quiet, too quiet to tell whom it belonged to, but she could hear it clearly. And as she listened, the obvious came to her. She knew then that there was no point in running anymore. What if she was not supposed to run at all? Perhaps she just had to stay there and let that someone find _her_ instead. Yes, yes that sounded reasonable. And thus, exhausted, she sat down in the soft whiteness and just waited. And it felt good.

_Strange dream_, Jane thought. _Such a vivid one._

Realizing she was fully awake, she reached for her cell phone and cancelled the alarm that was supposed to wake her at 6:30. Sighing, she got up from the bed and headed to the bathroom. Once there, she propped her arms wearily against the white basin and hung her head. It was too soon to look into the mirror; she would risk that later. Instead, through the wavy brown curtain of her hair Jane glanced wistfully at the toilet. She touched her abdomen, the fingers sliding partly under the waistline of her pajama pants. Her bladder was full, almost hurting, but still no spams, no bleeding… Her look inevitably slid from the toilet to the pregnancy tests on the shelf beside the mirror. She scowled at those, but eventually grabbed one.

After having done what was needed, Jane sat the test stick atop the washing machine, let out a long breath, and glimpsed at the digital clock to check the time. Then she looked back at the result window of the test.

No, that was just unbearable. She could not look either direction. Moaning silently, she slid down the washing machine and sat on the floor. There she took a deep breath and ran her slender fingers through her hair. _Oh please… I just can't, I can't take it, can't take it any longer…_

But suddenly too curious to just sit there she jumped up, her hands reaching out and groping for the test. She pushed it, though, and it fell. _Oh dear…_

Falling to her knees, she snatched the stick hungrily. Just a quick look at the clock – yes, yes, it should be ready –

Jane turned the stick to her eyes and remained still. Then blinked once, twice, and once again.

Two. There were two of them. Two distinct bands. The test line was a bit weaker than the control, but still, still! It was there, shining on her.

Jane gasped. She sat on her heels and shook her head. Still viewing the result closely, she finally remembered to breathe. She brought one hand up to her twitching lips, and then she burst out with something between a relieved sigh and an elated laugh. _Just breathe, breathe, Jane. _

Panting with happiness, she got up with a struggle, put the test down and with a bright smile, laid a gentle hand on her belly. And every feeling and emotion she had ever gone through, all the pain and disappointment and anguish and uneasiness and loneliness… everything was worth it a thousand times. Everything she had experienced in her life was worth to lead her to this very moment.

No, from this moment on, she would never be alone. And she would never be the same.

Back in her room Jane sat on the bed and wondered what to do. Go to work and pretend that nothing happened? Well… To be absolutely honest with herself, most of all she wished just to sneak back under the blanket and just smile and try to absorb and process this new major breaking point in her life. But of course she would have to call to the research base first and explain…

No, she would just go to work, and to the doctor's office first. She would rather avoid visiting Dr. Hamilton, the elderly man with stern, distrustful eyes, but what else could be done. Well… What had he said to her during the first examination after her return? "Unlikely." – That had been his reaction to Jane telling him about the possible pregnancy. He just snorted the word, eyeing her with doubt. In the end it almost appeared that her entire story sounded too unlikely to him. However, she could not blame the doctor for such attitude. He lived here, in Alaska, too far from the rest of the world. What were those rumored amazing Avengers to him? What was some poorly documented affair between a random madman calling himself Loki and a little scientist with vivid imagination?

Rubbing her hand against her forehead, Jane let out a short laugh full of disbelief. She had to admit that "unlikely" was in fact one of the softest words to describe her situation. Yet on the other hand, it definitely would be interesting to find out what term would Dr. Hamilton use at the sight of today's positive test. Oh yes, sweet satisfaction… Jane could not wait already. Of course the doctor would demand a few repetitions of the test – and with that she concurred with him – but still… As for now, Jane could tell she was sure she was pregnant. She was aware that she might still lose the child, though, but this option was too cruel even to spend thoughts on.

Yes, she must stop thinking this much; in fact, she should stand up now and get ready. This was her big day – the first day she was going to spend aware of this sweet little presence within her. _Their_ day. And she was not going to waste it.

* * *

The gusts of wild, fierce wind and heavy, black rain had been replaced with a burning sun, heat and plumes of the dry, greyish ash rising to his eyes with his every move.

_But what exactly should be so terrifying on this Realm of Hel?_ Loki had thought to himself at first. According to the myths, it should have been the worst of all the known realms, full of terrors beyond one's imagination. But this place was nothing more than a wasteland, barren and dull. And it seemed completely forsaken. No gruesome terrors whatsoever.

Nevertheless, he was soon to find what the myths were talking about.

There was nothing horrific to stumble upon, indeed. But why? Well, the truth was that in fact, there was _nothing_. Nothing at all. No forests, no mountains, no grass or any undergrowth, no rivers, no lakes, not an animal, not a bird, no living thing anywhere near. But what could one expect to live on this ash? On this black-to-grey matter that got sticky and slimy when wet and powdery when dry? There it would clutch at his feet, trying to pull him down and close over his body forever, there it would stir and whirl in the hot air, blinding his eyes, gluing his mouth and gritting between his teeth.

No, this ash would never give rise to anything living. There could never be any life. This was death. And Loki alone was now walking over the endless plains and dunes of it.

The view was the same every day – a wasteland of ash stretching as far as he could see. It felt somewhat depressing right from the start, when he had entered this realm, but with each passing day it was growing more and more unbearable. Never changing, never ending ash everywhere. The worst place to visit, one would say. And with a sigh, Loki slowly started to accept that the myths might have had the truth of it.

At first he had tried to count the days, but they flew around him in such a queer manner that he just gave up. Loki was not even sure which time period should be counted as a day here. There were no nights, for instance. The sun's travel over the greyish sky seemed to be continuous. It never really disappeared behind the horizon – surprisingly enough, instead of setting, the sun would just stop right there and go back. The speed of the sun's motion was an enigma, too. Sometimes it appeared to be just pinned to the sky, completely still and unmoving, another time it seemed to be ambling slowly overhead, and at times it would speed from the top of one dune of ash to another, swift and unpredictable like a prancing stag.

Hence it was not surprising at all that Loki completely lost the count of time. And so he just walked, without a slightest idea as to where, and suspected the oddly behaving sun of spying on him. And regardless if he wanted it or not, this thought settled firmly within his mind and would not let go. He even started to hide from its curious beams. But no matter how skilled at hide-and-seek Loki might have been, this sun seemed to read his thoughts, and it would always find him. But eventually, the weather seemed to have gotten bored by the game and clearly, it wanted to put an end to it. And then the wind rose, blowing the dunes of ash away, and Loki had to walk over the perfect plain again, with the sun placed firmly just above him, shining brightly. And the time appeared to stop.

If he could cry, he would. But his eyes were not what they once used to be. They had changed, as the rest of his body, when he had walked through the darkness of the gates to this realm. He was not supposed to be here, and therefore he'd had to pay this cruel toll. His clothes of fine leather had been reduced to mere rags and flapping tatters; but what had happened underneath them was even worse. His flesh had been squeezed out of almost all liquid and it stuck tightly to his bones. His skin was not pale white anymore, it was grey as the ash under his feet; his once long, elegant fingers were gaunt and distorted, adorned only with swollen knuckles and protruding, claw-like black fingernails. And his eyes… they were dry, so dry. Right after passing through the gates, Loki had tried to rub at them, but regretted it immediately. His orbs felt somewhat lost; and he could not help but imagine how much they must have shriveled and sunken deep into the sockets.

In conclusion, he was deeply thankful that however heavy the occasional rains, they would not form pools, and so he did not have to look at his face reflected by the water surface.

But now there was no sign of the rain. Not even a cloud – just the burning, blazing sun sitting stubbornly in the middle of the dull sky, shining on him and torturing him. Oh yes, even if his body had been reduced into this deformed, shrunken thing, he could still feel the immense heat. And he was not sure anymore what was driving his stumbling feet to keep moving.

He did not know when or how it happened, but at one moment he found himself whimpering. And surprisingly enough, he was unable to stop it, no matter how much he wished to. Instead, the intensity of the lamentation increased as he walked, and in the end he figured out he was wailing. He realized it was draining him of his last reserves of strength; however, he just could not stop.

And so it happened that Loki Laufeyson's mind got lost. Completely unaware of how many days (Weeks? Months?) he had already spent in this realm, he felt absolutely exhausted. He could not even recall her face anymore. Jane's face… or anyone else's face. How possibly was he to fulfill his task? How could he ever have thought that he could just walk in here and bring Baldur back? Because this was just ridiculous. How was he even to find his long dead brother? Was he here at all? Was _anyone_ here at all?

_And perhaps there's just me. Perhaps the entire Hel was made just for me…_ And with this thought echoing in his mind, Loki stumbled and staggered for one last time, and finally hit the powdery, ashen ground.

* * *

_Six weeks later_

Jane sipped at her honeyed fruit tea and drew the curtain aside. The lightly rippling lake sparkled at her through the window pane. She smiled, but knew at the same time that this kind of twinkle would not last long now. It was November already, and the beautiful white snowflakes were frolicking in the fresh, crisp wind, and the dark waters had already started to freeze.

Her eyes wandered over the snow-covered hillside that led from the shore to her house. Her gaze narrowed, but she seemed to watch something that was not there. And unblinking, she kept watching it closely.

But then her eyelids fluttered back to life and she lowered her stare. Letting the curtain fall back, Jane brought her free hand to her belly.

_If only you knew…_ She wished at the memory of the events at the top of the Stark Tower. She could still see the ring in her thoughts, she could still feel it on her finger, and she could still recall his pleading, desperate eyes. And she missed him. So much that it brought tears. But there was nothing she could do but hope. And wish silently.

Stroking her lower abdomen gently, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She wondered if her child was ever going to have someone else to hold him close except for her.

Jane smiled softly. _Him? _

Well… She had always wished that her firstborn child was a girl. But now the feeling was completely different. She could not tell why, but right from the start, she imagined that little someone inside her as a boy. The picture was different every day; she would imagine him at different ages, in various situations. Many times she told herself to stop – it could still be a girl after all. But she was pregnant, right? How could she possibly stop thinking about her unborn child?

She would have certainly sunken into her memories and thoughts then, however, someone destroyed those plans by knocking at the entrance door. Lightly, tentatively, as if afraid that they might disturb her. Which they did in fact.

Her head turned after the sound automatically. _Who could that be?_

Creasing her brow doubtfully, Jane left her cup of tea on the table and marched to the hall to answer the door. Once there, she stood on her tiptoes to have a look through the spyhole first. And she saw dark curls that belonged to a familiar face. She could not place it at the moment, but she knew it was safe to open the door. And as soon as she did, she remembered. "Dr. Banner?" She blurted out.

"Ah… Good afternoon, Dr. Foster! Pleasure to see you again." The man answered with a shy smile and removed the black leather glove from his right hand to take hers.

"Good afternoon!" Jane smiled brightly, pleasantly surprised, and shook his hand. "Yes, great to see you, too. Um, what brings you here? Well – please, come in first." she beckoned and stepped aside to make space for him to enter.

"Thank you." He bowed his head and followed her.

"Make yourself at home." She chirped upon closing the door and hurried to take his winter coat and scarf.

"Oh, you don't have to… Well, thanks." He chuckled at her prompt action.

"That's okay." Jane said, smiling kindly, and hung his coat on the hook beside the door. "Please, take a seat. Tea? Coffee?" She called over her shoulder as she rushed to fill the kettle. "Please say it's coffee, I need to get rid of it!"

"I see." Bruce nodded his head and followed her out of the small hall to the next room, which was a living room with a kitchen corner. He moved slowly where the wooden table with a sofa and one armchair waited for him.

"Please, just a glass of water will do, thank you." He said politely and sat in the armchair. He then looked around the room. It was small but neat, the furnishings rich brown or white color. One window was just next to his right, enlightening the area around the table, and the next was across the room, placed in between the kitchen cabinets, just above the sink.

"Okay." Jane agreed and fetched a glass of pure water for her unexpected visitor. "So, are you in a hurry?" She asked and took a seat on the sofa, across the table.

"A cruel thing to admit on Sunday afternoon, but yes." He said and took a few gulps from his glass.

She watched him with a curiosity. As in the case of Anthony Stark, Jane had always admired Dr. Banner's work. Of course she had read all his papers tens of times – she was almost sure she knew some of them by heart. They had met after the Stark Tower incident, but it was just a brief and purely professional talk regarding the Tesseract. And of course, Jane had not been exactly in the proper mood to reveal her years-long admiration to him then. But now, for some unknown reason, he came to her and was sitting in her armchair in her house.

"Well, again…" Jane shrugged, her eyes shining, her lips smiling, "what brings you here, if I may ask? Are you headed to our research base? Is it possible?" She asked and reached out for her cup of tea.

"Yes, and I… Let's say I'm going to stay a while." He confirmed, looking down and wrapping the glass in his hands.

Jane raised her eyebrows at that, expectant. "No way! So you're going to work here? Who is it then? Professor Wang?"

Bruce let out a modest laugh. "Well, the first question – yes; the second – no."

"Ah. Then it must be Dr. Connor." She tried again.

Lifting his eyebrows and dropping his gaze again, he let out a long breath. "It's Dr. Hamilton." He revealed.

Jane frowned. "But he's – "

"A physician, yes."

"I see." She uttered in a low voice. So Tony was right, after all. It seemed like one of her favorite scientists had actually traded physics for medicine. "But why here?" she asked and as soon as she did, she saw it at once. The answer to this question was the same as to why this visit.

Of course he saw that she had guessed already. Suddenly, he looked very ill-at-ease. "In fact," he began slowly, cautiously, "I'm not supposed to be here right now. But as I was passing by I thought I might let you know. Just… I do not prefer unpleasant surprises myself, so I thought I might spare you one."

"Okay." Jane nodded, looking at the window. "So this is the first of their _precautions_?" She added coldly.

"To be honest," he started after a tense moment, "I don't know how to name it yet… Well, a week ago I received this phone call – "

"What phone call?" Jane snapped her head back to look at him.

"Ms. Hill complaining about what a disobedient girl Dr. Foster has become." His lips quirked to a faint grin. "And what a doubtful and reluctant and uncooperative old man Dr. Hamilton seems to be."

"And?"

"And she demanded that I gain some more experience in my new subject here. You see, she called me the perfect choice for this situation. An aspiring doctor, a fellow scientist, and marked as a rebel within the SHIELD – "

"A rebel?" Jane chuckled here.

"Well," Bruce shrugged and blinked a few times, observing his glass intently. "I had my moments. Ms. Hill then explained to me that you may better accept people who do not seem too loyal to SHIELD."

"What?" Jane shook her head in disbelief.

"Anyway," Bruce continued, "as you can see, I decided to take the job in the end." He raised a hand to hold Jane's next questions back, "I… I'll be absolutely honest with you now." he declared and looked her finally in the eyes. "Your case is unique and very intriguing from the scientific point of view. I have no idea as to what we might encounter on this way, but I can promise you one thing. Whatever happens, I'll try my best to help you. And no matter what, I will do everything in my power to keep you and your child from being reduced to mere objects of science. I know how that feels, and I… I just felt the obligation to help those who might end up in a similar situation. That is why I'm here."

Bruce ended his speech there and after a moment of deep silence, he looked away.

Of course Jane still did not feel fully convinced, but somewhere inside she felt relieved. She rather disliked the suspicious attitude of Dr. Hamilton, who still seemed to be neglecting her pregnancy, or maybe even denying it. It made her think how exactly was that man to help her should any complications come. She had even considered the option of contacting Ms. Hill again and ask for help. But now it appeared that there was no need anymore. This man in front of her… Jane did not know what exactly to think of him. He was an outstanding scientist, a brilliant mind indeed, but apart from that… Altogether, Bruce Banner was an unknown land to her. She did not know how she should feel around him now, but oddly enough, endangered was the very last of all the options. She just could not see a raging monster when she looked upon those weary eyes, troubled forehead and somewhat worn-out face. No, this man was not dangerous. He was…

"I see." She heard her voice say in the end. "I… I'm sorry that I – "

"No, no, no." Bruce stopped her at once. "I think I can imagine how this all must feel like; there's no need to apologize for anything." He explained calmly, stood up and finished his glass of water. "So." He stood the glass on the table and eyed her tentatively. "Can we expect you tomorrow?"

"Well," she got up as well, "yes, I think." She said and offered a smile.

"All right." He smiled back. "We'll be expecting you. And how… how do you feel at all?"

Mindlessly, Jane brushed one hand over her belly at that. She smiled brightly. "Good actually. In fact, I think I've never felt better before."

"Then let us hope it will last." Bruce wished aloud and then turned and headed slowly to the hall. Jane followed him silently. He watched him put his shoes on, then the long, grey scarf and finally his black winter coat. He was about to grab the doorknob when a thought appeared to have crossed his mind.

"What is it?" Jane asked.

"Has Tony already contacted you?" He answered with a question.

Crossing her arms, she swayed back and forth on her feet. "Yes, it's been… is it three weeks? Yes. Yes, I think." She recalled. "We exchanged a few emails, Skype talks and stuff… Actually, we talked yesterday. Well, it was today for him."

"And?" Bruce lifted one curious eyebrow as he adjusted the scarf.

"And…"Jane made a face. "It was weird. He seemed nervous, just not his usual self, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah." Bruce nodded his head.

"In the end, we haven't talked about anything relevant. Then he just stated that drinking fake whiskey is not fair of me and hung up."

"Fake whiskey?" Bruce furrowed his brow.

"Uh… apple juice with ice in the whiskey glass." Jane giggled. "That's for me. He sips the real one during our talks."

"Ah." Bruce grinned.

"So… Do you know what's going on? Something failed or..?" Jane frowned lightly.

"No, quite the opposite, it would seem. Everything works very well." He smiled, straightening the collar.

"Wait. What is it, then?" Jane asked, grinning as she started to suspect something.

"Nothing bad." Bruce said and took the doorknob.

"Hey! Tell me!" She insisted, smiling widely, and held the door closed.

"Pepper is pregnant, too. They have found out on Friday." Bruce explained and stepped out as Jane let him go, all consternated.

"But that's amazing!" Jane called out and stood on the doorstep. "Why couldn't he just tell me?!"

"Oh, come on. It's just Tony – he needs time to cope. But he'll be okay." Bruce said as he turned around, walking backwards to the wicket. "And close the door before you catch a cold! See you tomorrow, Dr. Foster!"

"Tomorrow!" Jane said and waved her hand. He did, too.

_Oh, what a change in atmosphere_, Jane thought.

She just could not stop smiling after closing the door.

* * *

**AN: Hope you liked this one :) Please review!**


	9. Chapter 9

_I have to count my blessings  
I have to learn my lessons  
My fate is in the balance  
I must go on believing_

_Shiro Sagisu – Fate_

* * *

"And what have we here?" a voice asked.

Loki jerked at the sound. He knew the tone, he was sure.

He opened his eyes and tried hard to remember where he was, why, and what happened. And the dismal sight of ash shoved the recollection straight into his hurting, dizzy consciousness. He had walked (but how long?) and fallen and slept (same question).

Gathering some strength, Loki pushed himself slightly up, lifted his face from the grey, dusty ground and peeked over his shoulder.

"Over here, lad." The voice pointed out from the other side with a light chuckle. And that tone was familiar, oh it was. Loki turned his head slowly. He had to put an effort into focusing at the figure his eyes met, but eventually the shapes and details became clear.

It was a boy. Well, perhaps more of a young man, to be precise. He was sitting cross-legged just beside Loki, holding an arrow and brushing its feathered end over his cheek. A beautiful, carved longbow was jabbed into the ash next to him – close enough for the boy to grab it swiftly.

He was dressed in fine dark leather clothes, and a snow fox's fur was draped over his shoulders, held by a silver clasp inlaid with peridot. His hair was long, almost reaching his shoulders, straight and dark, black as a raven.

His face was pale and angular, adorned with thoughtful and noble curves of the eyebrows and cheekbones. His eyes were alive with an unchained green fire. He was perfect. He was beautiful.

It was him – Loki himself. But so much younger…

Of course Loki knew that voice and that face. And of course he recalled wearing those clothes and the bow. But most of all, he recognized the arrow. He could still see it sticking out of Baldur's chest; then catching on fire and burning his little brother's heart to ashes. The image was still so clear, too clear…

Nevertheless, Loki was well aware who this mysterious person was in truth; he realized the appearance was just an illusion. And still, he could not help but feel absolutely taken aback. He just lay there, frozen to the bone, petrified by the sudden flood of old, painful memories that the sight of his younger self was bringing. But what should he do now? What was the meaning of this? Just how should he react?

In the end, the old, time-proven tactics of gracefully neglecting his own feelings and fears, Loki let out something between a snort and a dry cough. "Oh, splendid. Now I'm hallucinating."

A whizzing sound came from above after that, and the arrow smacked his face in reply.

"Ah!" Loki cried out with the sudden, biting pain and fell back down on his face.

"Carefully, my lord. You are not in the right position to insult me." His younger self warned, narrowing the bright, emerald eyes.

"All right," Loki puffed with effort, viewing his twisted, grey fingers and trying to make his dry and sore throat swallow. "My apologies. Well, then… what do you want from me?" His parched lips could barely move.

The lad laughed dismissively. "And don't you think _I_ am the one who should ask this question?"

Closing his eyes, Loki laughed at that. "And why would you need to? Judging by the appearance and outfit you chose, you apparently know the answer already," he uttered heavily and scrambled to his feet. "So please excuse my rudeness, but I shall continue my journey." He stated, straightening, and set off.

"No, no. Please, excuse _my_ arm which I seem to have just lost control over!" exclaimed Loki's younger self, leapt to his feet, grabbed the older Loki by the throat and shoved him back, the ash rising up and whirling about the place where he hit he ground.

Unable to do anything else but cough violently, Loki just curled up, massaging his hurting throat and not even trying to look through the dusty veil to predict the next move of his unexpected companion.

However, he did not have to, for the said person had just found him instead. One gloved hand shot through the plume of ash, squeezed Loki's wrist firmly but effortlessly, and merciless, twisted the whole arm behind his back. An uninvited shriek left Loki's sore vocal chords. But before he could even try to wring himself out of the cruel grasp, the younger man's boot landed on Loki's neck and began to push his face into the ash. Loki panicked. His nostrils started to fill with the dirt and his throat was literally burning with pain. Choking, he struggled against the deadly pressure, writhing and twisting, but it was useless. His body was poor and weak, and the limbs that held him in this position were so much stronger… Finally, he could not hold the need to cough any longer and sucked in a lungful of the grey dust. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Loki attempted to remember if he had ever felt worse in his life.

But the painfully known, venomous voice brought him back to this nightmarish reality. "Well, well, well. Look at you now. Isn't it just sweet, the way you try to fight me? The way you struggle for another breath…" it said, sounding almost bored at the end of the statement. "But let me remind you that it's futile, my friend. Useless." He sang. "Pathetic." He murmured silkily. "But still… it's quite amusing. Because unlike all the other lost souls here, you still have a few reasons to fight, yes?"

Of course Loki could not answer that, even if he wanted to. Instead, images from the past started to emerge before him. He was not the one who had summoned them, but nonetheless, they were there. _Himself, just a boy, playing with the wooden swords with his little brother Baldur… Frigga smiling to him and handing out a ring… Thor, talking to him under the old oak… Jane, glancing at him over her shoulder as she was escorted away atop the Stark Tower; the last time he had seen her._

"Oh yes, these are your reasons." His younger self seethed. It sounded so cruel it was making Loki sick. Was his voice always like that? "I'd sooner not forget about them, if I were you." The poisonous voice above him continued. "If you still hope to ever see them again, I have one simple advice. _Behave_, my lad. _I_ am the one who rules this place, and it was _me_ who generously let you in. And it is _me_ who can send out just as easily; distorted and suffering for the rest of your miserable life. Or… keep you here forever."

The pressure on Loki's neck disappeared. A shadow loomed over him then, and cold lips brushed over his earlobe. "You see, you're a mere intruder, my dear… In this realm as well as in all the others." The cold voice whispered, crushing Loki's very essence just with this simple statement.

And Loki just lay still. There was nothing he could answer to that. There was nothing he could possibly say.

"Oh, what is it now, my lad? Where is that noble resolve or yours?" the young tormentor scoffed at Loki's motionless form. "Hey! I said something about good manners, remember?"

A shower of dirt was sent against Loki's face. The latter burst into violent coughs, curled up, but eventually he managed to calm down and even scramble up to his knees. And then, defiant, he stood up.

"Aw, just look at that!" Loki's younger self guffawed mockingly. "What a splendor. No matter the difficulties, ridicule and pain, the valiant prince rises up to fight for his lady!"

Dangerously approaching the absolute depths of misery, Loki winced painfully, but did not look to the side, where the ruler of this realm stood laughing at him. Instead, he moved his foot. And then the other. And again… And again…

"Bravo, my lad. I am moved. Deeply moved!" the young one shouted, clapping his hands together in an affected manner.

But Loki did not stop, nor did he look back. He simply kept walking – slowly and with a great difficulty, but still he was moving forward, leaving the sounds of cruel mockery behind him. Eventually, he could hear just his own rasping breath again, and just the sun loomed overhead, until –

"All right! I'm bored." The young one called out finally.

As Loki predicted, he would not be allowed to get away that easily.

"Let's make it more challenging, shall we?" The ruler of this realm asked as he appeared just beside Loki.

And this time, Loki stopped.

The bowstring was pulled, and the arrow that had been used to hit his face was sent flying across the sky – into the sun, it would seem.

Loki let his eyes follow the graceful motion. The arrow seemed bound for the sun; however, it was unable to reach it. No matter how close it got, the sun was always ahead. In fact, it appeared as though the arrow was now pushing the sun to the horizon. And yes, so it was. The shadows grew longer and longer, until the sun disappeared behind the ash line far away and the entire realm was swallowed by pitch-black darkness. No stars, no moon, no lamp… just nothing.

Swift, silent footsteps whispered against the ash. "Go on, my prince. Keep walking." The icy voice teased, and the biting laughter cut through the starless night.

* * *

_Three months later_

Sighing, Jane rubbed at her temple. It was late evening and the January and February were just exchanging the reign outside.

Jane knew all she had to do now was just finish this short recording and go to bed. But somehow she wasn't in the mood for any of the options.

Right at the first examination, Bruce had told her to start her own video diary, just to document her feelings and the unique experience of her unusual pregnancy. Of course Jane had welcomed the idea and started right away. It felt somewhat awkward at first – to talk to herself about herself, but with each record she gradually realized the importance of it. It helped her sort out her thoughts, memories, worries and emotions that had become so changeable and unbalanced these days.

Accompanied by Bruce, she had spent the Christmas holidays with Tony and Pepper, and believed that it belonged to one of the best days in her life. Surprisingly enough, there had been no sign of the SHIELD anywhere, so she could just enjoy herself fluttering about Tony and all his gadgets, sharing serious, knowledgeable talks as well as witty humor.

Meeting Ms. Potts had been a long-awaited, refreshing experience for Jane, as she could finally have a chat with a normal woman, too. Well, if an extremely competent, capable, intelligent, but most of all patient assistant of the Iron Man himself could be called a normal woman.

However, all those qualities had to make place for a brand new one, which was a mother-to-be. Housing two pregnant women under his roof was obviously making Tony nervous, but on the other hand, it was changing him in quite an adorable way.

All in all, during that visit, Jane had been allowed to simply switch off all the unpleasant thoughts for a few days. She had been allowed to take a time to breathe freely and forget a bit about the stone of sadness that was still crushing her heart.

But now she was back in Alaska and the time seemed to have slowed down at such a rate it was driving her insane. Her days started to feel empty and in vain, the evenings long and lonely all over again. At least she had the video diary…

But for the last few days even this option stopped giving Jane this little amount of comfort. She just felt nervous and uneasy all the time, for no particular reason. As if something in her life was utterly wrong or missing, but no matter how strong the feeling, she just could not figure out the cause.

That day she had been so tense and high-strung she found it better to avoid as many colleagues as possible. She had even broken a pencil in her hand – that had never happened to her, as far as she could remember. Yes, breaking things, that felt like a good thing to let at least a portion of the tension out. She felt so on edge, maybe even irritated and angry. And hungry…

_Oh yes, constantly hungry_, Jane admitted as she fished the last piece of jerky out of the small bag. Yes, she was hungry all the time. But all she wanted was meat. And with a slight worry, she realized the craving was not for the cooked kind.

And so she ate jerky. The only alternative of meat she could as much as smell.

"Yeah," after the laborious chewing, Jane eventually swallowed and resumed today's recording. "So now I'm basically just waiting for the moment when I'll have to start stealing blood bags. And perhaps…" she paused in thought, rubbing at her eyebrow, "Perhaps I should stop watching the Vampire Diaries." She concluded, making herself chuckle a bit.

"Okay." Eventually, Jane let out a weary sigh and smacked her thighs. "That's the end of today's record, I think. I really need some air, now." Wrapping one hand around her belly, she stood up, then closed the laptop, straightened the cramped parts of her long night gown and paced to the bathroom to brush her teeth. In the bedroom, she walked to the window and drew the curtain aside to check on the temperature outside. 5 °F, that wasn't much. Perhaps she shouldn't open the window after all.

_But the air here needs changing. Just for a moment…_ she thought, opened the window and then went to her bed. She lay down on her back, covered herself to the chin and took in a deep breath as the fresh, crisp air tickled her face. It felt like a caress. And with this small relief, Jane simply fell asleep.

…_The starry night twinkled above, and when she looked down, she found the familiar wasteland of ice and snow stretching to the horizon before her. This place again… It almost felt familiar to her. _

_But something was different now. She had no clothes on._

_Her bare feet were buried ankle-deep in the snow, but again, she was not cold. Her hair moved with the freezing wind, and she turned around. There was a trail in the snow. Footsteps! She gasped with surprise and excitement and set off, marching to that faint line in the glittering whiteness._

Who could you be?_ Jane mused as she looked off to the distance, to where the trail was leading. She decided to trace it. And so she walked, miles and hours, tireless and resolved to find the mysterious person. _

_But then she could hear footsteps behind her. They were very silent at first, but were constantly approaching. It was driving her insane, but no matter how hard she tried, her legs refused to move faster – she was unable to run. However, the presence behind her kept closing in, with each step, each heartbeat, closer and closer. Eventually, she could feel the movements behind her, the breathing… Unable to take this tension anymore, Jane cried out in despair, came to a halt and wheeled about. _

_And her lips were captured in a stinging, consuming kiss. His arms wrapped around her, and long fingers ran through her hair wildly. _His_ fingers, arms and lips – so familiar, so long-desired… With a blink of an eye, her fear turned into heat. Moaning, she gave in and reached out to grab fistfuls of his hair…_

Panting, Jane opened her eyes and stared blankly at the ceiling above.

The light… she must have forgotten to switch the lamp off… Breathing quickly, she let her gaze wander around the dimly lit room. But then her eyes went wide at the vapor that kept escaping her mouth as she breathed.

_Oh no… The window..!_ How long had she been sleeping? How long was the freezing air pouring in?

She rolled on to her side and the softly moving curtain waved at her lazily.

Sitting up with an effort, Jane wrapped herself in the blanket and walked towards the window. She reached out her hand to close it, but then the blanket fell off her shoulder.

Gasping, she wanted to reach down to get the loose edge. But something stopped her.

Was she cold at all?

Staring at the slowly dancing curtain, Jane parted her lips and joined her hands in front of the soft swell on her belly. The blanket fell down to the floor completely.

Yes, yes of course she realized that the frosty air was coming through the window and pouring over her entire unprotected body. And she realized she should definitely close that window, pick up the blanket, turn on the heating and return to the bed, but… But why exactly? She wasn't… She did not feel…

"Oh, come on!" she snapped at herself, grabbed the handle and slammed the window shut. She picked up the blanket right away, wrapped herself in it tightly and walked to the kitchen for some fresh water.

She started to fill the glass, then brought it to her lips, and sipped carefully.

And a droplet of sweat ran down her temple. And another.

Jane touched it. _Sweat?! I – I'm –_

A violent spasm shot through her body, making her bend forward and cry out with the sudden pain. Dropping the blanket again, she propped herself against the sink and panted wildly. Wide-eyed, she kept staring at the glass, then turned on the cold water and washed her face. For a moment, she considered calling Bruce, but suddenly, she knew there was no reason.

Because in that very moment, Jane realized what she had to do. It was suddenly so clear…

She turned around with effort, holding her belly, and still bent in the middle, she paced to the hall. She took the long winter coat from the hook automatically, but then she decided to leave it there.

And then, Jane just unlocked the locks, took the doorknob and opened the door slowly. The crisp air cradled her face and she gasped, smiling softly. It just felt so good. So right.

The light just outside the door switched on at the movement. And the myriads of diamonds in the snow glittered at her, smiling, inviting…

Jane stood on the doorstep, barefooted, and placed one hand on her neck and held onto the doorframe with the other. What was this sensation? Something was happening – there, there it was, just inside.

Gasping in amazement and pure joy, Jane dropped her gaze to her belly and wrapped both her arms around it. She let out a soft, tender laugh. It was the child within her. She could feel her child's movements for the first time.

"So," she sighed with a bright smile, her eyebrows up. "look what you've done to me. Is this what you want? What you need?"

Caressing the swell of her abdomen softly, Jane looked up again – into the night; at the plains of snow in front of her house, into the whispering forest on the hill across the road, into the sky.

And she knew.

Perhaps some would have called her insane, and shouted at her to make her step back and close the door.

But they knew nothing.

Taking in deep gulps of the freezing air, Jane held her head up high, reached her hand back inside to grab the keys, and closed the door behind her. Then she just dropped the iron bunch into the snowdrift beside the entrance, imprinting the exact spot firmly into her memory.

She breathed then, in and out, slowly, and bit her lip that tugged to a little grin again. This moment…

For a second she thought she realized now how her favorite heroine, Daenerys Targaryen must have felt when facing the flames. She just knew.

And with this thought lingering inside her mind, Jane stepped on the snow-covered path. It cracked and crunched beneath her delicate feet, but it never turned too tamped down. It was just soft, velvety like the finest of feathers. And she could still feel it all. She could not explain it in the slightest, but the cold and the frost simply could not harm her.

Her skin seemed to have adapted to the temperature. She could touch the snow, hold it in her hands, pour it over her face, but it would not melt. It just stayed loose and powdery on her touch.

"This is… this is amazing." Jane let out an elated laugh, held the hem of her nightgown up and leapt right into the knee-deep snow, off the path. She looked to the side then, and knew in that instant where she would go. The way the frozen lake shone into the bright, moonlit night was breath-taking.

And so she paced, ploughing through the soft, white pillows of snow, past her house and down the hillside; towards the shore.

Once there, Jane just lay down into the softest white blankets she had ever known, looked up and just watched the moon and the glittering starlight above her.

"Good night, little one." She whispered with a smile, brushing a gentle hand over her belly. "Good night, my love." She added quietly and closed her eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

_I would like to thank my dear VanneHenley (tomhiddleston-h) for yet another amazing cover image. You are wonderful, my friend!_

_And now we can begin..._

* * *

_Tell me once again_  
_What's beneath the pain you're feeling_  
_Don't abandon me_  
_Or think you can't be saved_

_Dream Theater – I Walk Beside You_

* * *

_Done_, Jane smiled faintly as she finished typing the last portion of data she had collected that day. She looked up and realized it was dark outside already. Her gaze then turned to the corner of the laptop screen to check the time. 7pm. 28th January.

_So it's been four weeks already?_

Well, it seemed so. Four weeks since she first felt her child move inside her. Four weeks since her life changed completely once again. Four weeks since she stopped feeling the cold. Four weeks since she first stared in the eyes of the Hulk…

Jane had to smile again. Covering her mouth, she let out a soft giggle. But to be honest, it had been truly unfair of her, hadn't it? Just how would she alone feel if she found one of her best friends lying poorly dressed, barefooted and motionless in the snow? Horrified and desperate. And how would she react if said friend suddenly opened their eyes and sat up, all without a warning? Well…

She could not blame Bruce for saving a slight frown for her each time he visited her afterwards. However, as the days passed, the frown kept softening, and now it was just a sort of humorous reminder.

Speaking of visits – in fact, Jane was a visitor herself.

She could not feel the cold anymore, truth, but she needed it. She needed it as much as all the normal humans needed warmth. And so she had been relocated from her neat little house to a neat little wooden cabin by the weather station in the mountains. It was not far from the research base actually, but the cabin was surrounded by such wilderness it made Jane feel at the end of the world. In the positive sense, of course.

There was such a peace; just the right peace and calm to do her job or check on the instruments at the weather station and collect the new data. The proper peace and calm to read books in the evening and to gaze at the wonderfully clear starry sky stretched over the sparkling, snowy forests and mountains.

Such a lonely place, one would have said. Truth, right now she was alone. She even felt alone. But not as lonely as before.

In fact, there wasn't much time for being lonely. Visitors came and went almost every day – Bruce was the most frequent one, usually accompanied by one or two Jane's co-workers who had been informed about her situation, and Doctor Hamilton and the nurse, Michelle. Aside of checking on her well-being and the development of her physical changes, they would bring fresh water, food, diesel for the power generator and all other little things Jane had asked for. Some of her colleagues would come and build a tent outside the cabin and stay with her through the night now and then. She had even hosted a pack of huskies several times. She was not afraid to come out and sit down in the snow and let the dogs surround her. For some reason, they showed a great respect to her… Perhaps they regarded her as a predator, too, Jane thought.

And perhaps they were right in some sense. Jane still felt the wild craving for meat of all the food her friends would bring to her, and as soon as she finished the dried beef supply, she just could not wait for the next to arrive.

As for the drinking water – there was constantly enough for her, however, she could not resist the urge to eat snow at times. She was not able to explain it to the others, but it tasted so good, so much better than the liquid water, no matter how cold.

It was a huge change in her life, indeed. Of course she had accepted it with a true scientist's curiosity, but on the other hand, she hoped it would turn back soon. After the first few days in the mountains, Jane had noticed her skin started to assume a light shade of blue. And as the days passed, the shade seemed to darken. And it wasn't just the color – this current roughness of her skin felt also quite unknown and alarming.

_Oh please. Let's hope it'll stop here._ She had thought to herself while studying this strange, but nonetheless her own reflection in the mirror.

However, in the last few days, the situation seemed to change slightly back again. Her skin got a shade paler each morning and she was certain she shivered each time she stepped barefooted into the snow outside.

Today she even tried to put more clothes on, and it actually felt good.

Drumming her fingers on the laptop keyboard, Jane looked nervously around the room. Something was not right. Something was different, she could sense it. And as she rested her hands in her lap, she realized what it was.

Her hands felt cold. And it was rather unpleasant.

_Now, I think this is actually my last night in here._

* * *

Loki had been swallowed up in complete, starless darkness.

Yes… yes of course. He could still remember. But it was long, so long ago. It was just a vague, veiled memory from the very bottom of his mind. Now he did not dare waste his time on shapeless recollections. He had enemies to fight.

But where they had come from? How come they had just appeared here, even though this realm always seemed so empty?

Well, the answer was simple. Painfully so, to be sure. They lived in his head. They had taken root deep inside his soul and he carried them wherever he travelled to. Even here, in Hel and its darkness.

And as the blackness was all Loki could see around him, it made no difference if he kept his eyes open or closed. And it made no difference if what he heard and saw was truly there or just in his mind. He could not run nor hide from it, and therefore he decided to regard his dreams and imagination as a real thing.

A very real and concrete thing to face and fight.

His shrunken, sad heart trembled with unspeakable fear each time he thought this might actually never end, but still, as often as he could, Loki strived to keep a hope. A little, tiny light flickering somewhere far away beyond the invisible horizon. It was faint and fragile, and yet, yet… It was still there.

And so no matter how many times his vivid waking dreams haunted him. No matter how long he was falling all over again through the wormhole that had sucked him in together with the dying Bifrost, no matter how many times he fought Thor, how many times he killed Baldur, how many times he made Odin bellow and frown and mother cry, no matter how many times he screamed with desperation, his mind tortured by Thanos… it all simply did not matter. There was still a light.

Somewhere at the end of this world, in the deepest of abysses, behind this pitch-black curtain, so distant, so unreachable... But it existed, he was sure. And he kept going, chasing after it.

* * *

_8 weeks later_

Whimpering silently, Jane was tossing and turning in her bed, struggling to assume the least painful position. Speaking of which, she could not remember when she last felt comfortable… she did not even dare dream about it now. And in the end and again, she ended up lying on her side with a pillow supporting her belly.

Sighing, she checked the alarm clock briefly. 0:35am.

Oh, she should be sleeping already! However, that seemed unlikely at the moment. She was unbelievably tired and weary, but so it happened that her son felt pretty much alive and intended to let her know with full force. He had been rolling constantly for hours, with an occasional kick that would have effectively brought her back from the land of dreams had she been there. Her back was hurting like hell, as was her neck, head, ankles… Honestly, she felt like crying.

But no, not again. She wailed enough watching some indifferent documentary about whales. For what reason she had cried, she truly could not tell, but one thing was for certain. She envied those animals fiercely. It simply wasn't fair, was it? They were immensely fat and giant, but at least they lived in the water, where their weight was supported and they could swim and play and travel as much as they pleased. Unlike her. And that was unfair, because except some details, Jane felt like a whale herself. But very much like one stuck on the shore.

_But that's normal, isn't it?_ Jane thought, breathing out slowly. Yes, pretty normal. As everything else in fact. It was almost two months since her skin had turned completely back to its original shade and the need to eat snow and raw meat waned. And so she had returned to her job and her house, and had started living a normal life again, which included turning on the heating, bathing in warm water and eating cooked food.

_No_, Jane suddenly shook her head in deep disagreement. Just how could this be called normal? Because… it simply wasn't. No, this was wrong, utterly wrong.

_He should know, too. And he should have been here from the start. He should be lying beside me now._

Curling up as much as her belly allowed, Jane winced with the inner pain, trying to hold back the tears. No, she just could not be the only one to put arms around her unborn child. It should not be like that.

Starting to sob quietly, she finally had to let the tears flow. And she could not help but retreat again to her own realm of unfulfilled dreams. Keeping her eyes closed firmly, she imagined Loki was there. She could actually feel him pressed against her back, his strong but careful arms holding her protectively and comforting her. She imagined him humming a melody to her ear, lulling her and the unborn child to sleep… It just felt so real, so right.

Or better – she wished too desperately it was real. But no matter how much she yearned for it, it wasn't.

"Listen," brushing one hand over her belly, she said suddenly and sniffed. "I've had this idea in my mind for some time. What would you say to Elijah?" she asked her unborn child, wiping her tears away.

The child remained still at first, but then moved again.

"Of course we'll keep Eric, too. But I just thought you might be Elijah as well. Two first names, you see?" She suggested softly, rising her eyebrows. "Eric Elijah." She breathed, satisfied with the sound of it. "Sounds cool, doesn't it?" She said then, stroking her belly gently.

In fact, she had always liked the name. She just loved the melody of it. Truth, Tony had reserved it earlier for his boy, however, said boy had soon after turned to be a girl, and thus Elijah was back in the game.

However, it was Eric that came into her mind when she had first learned that her child was truly a boy. And the name just refused to leave her thoughts, even if the Eric after whom she intended to name her son was still inert to all her messages, letters and phone calls. It had made her feel disappointed, then even angry and exasperated, but in the end, she just felt sad. Could it be that Eric judged her for her feelings for Loki? Could it be that he refused to understand her motivation and decisions?

But it seemed so. And perhaps she should not blame him too much for that. He had been present at the SHIELD base where Loki first appeared through the awakened Tesseract, and he had witnessed all the insane rage and destruction. Small wonder Eric must have hated Loki right from the start, and even more when he had learned about Jane kidnapped, held captive and mind-controlled. Truth be told, had she been in Eric's place, she would have felt the same. She would have hated Loki for all he had done.

And so she finally started to understand. These must have been hard times for Eric. Jane was sure he still loved her as if she were his own daughter. However, seemingly he needed time to deal with all that had happened. Perhaps he felt betrayed, like a parent whose only precious child suddenly rebelled against every good principle and fled with the first lost existence that came to view. Something like that surely could not be easily forgiven, or forgotten. And even after some family reunion and reconciliation, things would never be the same. Jane was aware of it now, and decided that the only healing potion needed here was time. Hopefully. But no matter how bleak the outlook between her and Eric might have been, she still wanted her child named after him – her guardian, her mentor, her teacher, her life-long, dear friend.

"Eric Elijah Lokison." Jane murmured tenderly at last. "I know it's been long and tiring. But you know, I can't wait for you, too. I just can't wait to finally hold you in my arms." She continued, smiling as the child's movements became softer and slower. As if he actually understood. And perhaps he truly was tired of this lack of space; perhaps he felt equally uncomfortable and could not wait to come to this world, too.

"Soon, little sweetheart. Soon." Jane whispered and closed her eyes, her weary body drifting slowly off to sleep.

* * *

Something white and distant gleamed in the dark before him. It was not shining, and yet the color was so intense that it stood out clearly from the blackness and dispelled all the other nightmares. Trying to prepare himself mentally, Loki wondered what this one might be.

And as he kept approaching, all the shapes and lines started to come forth. It looked like a small, steep hill… No, it was a throne in fact, a great throne that towered above and amidst all the darkness. And it was not empty. A person was sitting there, limbs sprawled possessively in a most impertinent manner.

_Of course…_ Loki grinned as he kept on coming closer, and only then he realized what truly this throne was made of. His little grin stiffened, and after what seemed like eternity, he finally came to a halt.

What in truth stood before him was a mountain of human skulls and bones. Some of them clean and sun-bleached, some still bloody.

"My, my. It's been a while." Loki's perfect clone purred in greeting from his seat atop this horrific mound, his thumb brushing over his lower lip.

Again, this person decided to look exactly like him. Although this time the softness of the young Loki's face had been replaced by the icy perfection of the distinct, strikingly beautiful features of a man grown.

_Strikingly cold, strikingly cruel,_ Loki thought at the sight.

Studying the figure above, Loki noted that his lookalike was garbed in the same clothes Loki had fancied to show himself in before the poor Midgardians – leather covered with splendid golden plate, the cloak of green velvet that hung from his shoulders, and the ever so perfectly polished horned helm.

And what an item sat on the throne beside His Grace. It was the golden scepter, shining and silent, propped against the backrest.

"Indeed." The real Loki replied at last, his rasping voice barely above a whisper after a long time of nonuse.

"Oh yes." Nodding slowly, Loki's evilly grinning twin agreed. "I sort of missed you, I must confess." He went on, dropping his long-lashed gaze. He looked almost innocent like that. Almost. "You see, the lot occupying my realm are not quite talkative fellows. They would just stare at the ash and mutter nonsense, pretending not to notice me… But you, my lad," he called out suddenly, seizing the scepter and reaching down to touch the top of Loki's head with the tip of it, "you are different. Intriguing. Amusing!" He nearly sang the last word. "I'm not bored with you, you know?" the scepter moved to the side of Loki's face and patted him on the cheek as if to commend him.

The real Loki smiled. "I wish I could say that I'm pleased to hear that."

"Oh, I wish you could." The stranger on the throne said in a lower voice, withdrawing the scepter and cutting Loki's cheek in the process. The latter did not flinch; he just stood there, showing his little smile.

"But tell me, lad. Do you like my chair?" The stranger intoned then, brushing fingertips over the top of one of the skulls and stirring a little in his seat as if trying to slip in a more comfortable position. He ended up with one of his legs hung over the armrest of long white bone.

The air between them remained silent and motionless.

"Too splendid to spoil it with words, isn't it?" The king on the throne suggested then. "Perhaps you should know that I always try my best to follow your style precisely."

"But here you got it a bit wrong, I guess – " The real Loki objected.

"Oh did I? Are you sure? This _is_ what you are like, my lad." The other one cut in, insistent. "No worries, I looked into your soul very carefully."

"I see." Loki sighed, swaying slowly from side to side. "Then perhaps Your Grace knows me better than I do."

"Clever words, my friend." The other one chirped.

"Any chance Your Grace will explain as to what is the reason of this meeting?" Loki asked then.

"Oh-ho… well, I'm here just to have a chat." The other one laughed. "And you're still so brave, my prince." He added when he calmed down.

"A chat, you say? All right then." Loki sighed, thinking and gazing at the throne and then at all the darkness all about him. "Let's begin with a question. Is this truly happening, or is it just another hallucination of mine?"

"And does it matter?" The ruler of Hel sighed, waving his hand in annoyance. "I'm here with you, am I not? Be glad and talk to me." He said, spinning the scepter in his hand lazily. "But please, let us not be disturbed by unimportant details from now on."

"I see. Is the sunrise on that list, too?"

"Sunrise?" The other Loki smiled faintly. "I cannot say, I fear. The sun follows my moods." He said, his voice equally soft and mean. "And those are difficult even for me to control. I don't know… It appears I have found myself in a mood for a bit of darkness as of late," he nodded his head, "But seeing you, my friend… has somehow brightened my heart. See?" And as soon as Loki's twin on the throne was done speaking, something truly strange happened.

At first, it was just a tickling sensation, but then Loki realized what it meant. In an instant, the ruler of Hel and the hideous throne both disappeared, and the familiar ashen wasteland around… He could see it again. Blurred and indistinct, but it was there. Pale grey and beige colors contrasted greatly with the dark shadows of the uncountable dunes. The long black fingers of shade lay formidable across the landscape, as if trying to grab and seize all the ash, but they crept away from him as the glow from the distance gained intensity. The wind stirred the dust and the sun was about to emerge from behind the horizon.

Light.

Sweet, sweet light. The proof he was still alive, that he still existed, and that he still had a task to fulfill here.

Loki looked at his hands. They were still miserable, the skin grey and the fingers twisted. It seemed his body was unable to heal here, as if the desert was sucking the life itself out of him. He wondered if he would ever heal from this… Deciding that he should not bother with such thoughts just yet, Loki looked up. And far off, on the crest of a distant dune, he finally saw something. Something amazing. A movement.

Someone was pacing there, briskly and with a furious resolve. His limbs were long and skinny, his long, long hair flapping and rippling behind him like a banner in the wind. _This man…_ And for once, Loki felt his heart pounding.

"Do you see him, my friend?" The Loki lookalike stood suddenly beside the original. "Who do you think it is?"

"Is this a trick to mock me?" Loki murmured.

"Oh no. He's real."

"Baldur…" Loki whispered.

"Ah, whatever. I do not care about names, really." The other one replied, his tone indifferent. "But there's something I actually care about. I must tell you something."

"What is it then?" Loki rasped, impatient.

"You see, I'm not a jailer. In fact, I am a mere host in this realm of mine."

At that, Loki turned to view his mysterious twin with a suspicion.

"Oh yes. You see, not a single soul is held here. They are all free to leave at once. I will not hold them back. But they just won't."

"Why?" Loki breathed.

"Why?" the other one laughed, gazing straight into Loki's eyes. "Because they don't want to!" he exclaimed in a victorious, mocking way. "They actually _believe_ they belong here, can't you see? They wish to be with me. My dear, honored guests."

"What?" Loki snapped in terrified astonishment.

"Well, try to ask your brother." With the sly grin in place, the other one stepped into the sun, blocking away the light. "Try to make him leave with you. Try to persuade him, oh, Silver Tongue." Leaning in so their faces almost touched, he continued quietly. "If you have legs swift enough to catch him…" he said and then vanished into the air, laughing lightly and exposing Loki to the sunlight again. And the latter squinted at it, letting out a heavy, desperate sigh.

* * *

Tired. Weary. Exhausted. Oh, yes, that was the proper word.

The most demanding part was done now, but she knew it was not over yet. Still, Jane wondered if she had ever felt more exhausted in her entire life. She was bleeding, she was hurting, however, even that and the complete exhaustion could not stop her from propping desperately on her arms, struggling not to lose the sight of this little screaming bundle they had just carried away from her. Her son, crying out for life. He was so tiny, he was…

"Bruce…" her lips moved and somehow she was able to make a clear sound. "How… Is he all right? I want him here…" she kept murmuring as she observed the swarm around the newborn baby.

Jane was glad that Bruce was there, even if for a moment or two he had appeared more nervous than her. She was glad that SHIELD had brought several other doctors and specialists to the base as her time was nearing, but right now as her part was done, she could not exactly say that she was overly fond of all the people's presence.

But as she had hoped, Bruce raised his soft eyes to her and nodded, signaling that everything was okay indeed. Then the nurse, Michelle, approached. "Everything's fine, Jane. No need to worry." She said, her eyes smiling above the surgical mask. Jane nodded insecurely, impatiently. In truth, the only thing that could convince her now would be the child in her arms. Which fact Michelle seemed to respect and understand very well as she swiftly turned back and in a moment, she was bringing the baby to the mother.

"Congratulations, Jane. You gave birth to a beautiful, healthy boy." She announced and then Jane was allowed to hold her baby for the very first time.

Jane had no idea as to where all this strength to hold the child so securely had come from, but nonetheless and all of a sudden, it was simply there. And she looked upon her son and saw the most beautiful, the most precious being she had ever seen. Everything about him was so tiny and fragile… but very much alive. It felt miraculous. This adorable little thing… it was him all the time, the living presence, this tiny, wildly beating heart that had grown within her… and he was now in her arms.

He was not crying anymore; instead he seemed to be intrigued as to what would come next after his first adventure in this world. His eyes were wide open and blue; of a shade as clear and precious as the depths of the northern sea. As many other babes, he was born with the typical dark fluff of hair. His face was slightly puffy and crumpled from the labor, however, that still allowed to see something that had obviously intrigued all the physicians present. A few shades darker than his pale skin, beautiful lines were adorning his body, his little arms and head, the forehead and the cheeks, curving along in distinct groups of ornaments.

"He's truly so beautiful, Jane." Michelle observed gently, the sound a bit muffled by the mask.

"Yes, yes, he is." Jane breathed, not looking up. "So it was you all the time…" she said softly to her newborn son. "You see, I always knew you would be beautiful. But honestly…. I have never expected you to be _this_ amazing." She confessed with a smile, tears running down her cheeks.

_They seem like a kind of signs_… she thought then, her eyes studying the curves on her child's face. Deep inside she knew they must have a meaning. Could it be Loki had the same? She had never seen his true face, yet somehow, the image felt very much familiar.

She glimpsed a figure approaching her again, saying that they needed to continue and asking how she felt.

"Tired," Jane breathed in reply, unable to lift her gaze from her son and not really caring about anything else in truth. "But unbelievably happy." She added with a weary, but absolutely sincere smile.

* * *

_To be continued..._


End file.
